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  • Lightning 4, Maple Leafs 3.

    written by

    james

    Was there a recently added law to that list Murphy keeps hold of that escentially says if you play well, you’ll lose in interestingly messed up fashion, and if you absolutely suck, you’ll somehow manage to win? I have to know. Because with the exception of a couple really, really stupid plays, we honestly should have nailed that one. Like for reals. And of course, those bastards from Montreal pulled off another win at the same goddamn time. Figures. I’m going back to baseball. Or at least vodka.

    • Wins: 8
    • Lossts: 15
    • Shootout Wins: 0
    • Shootout Losses: 2
    • Points: 20

  • Useless trivia I didn’t need to kno, courtesy the media.

    written by

    james

    Countless hours spent over here not doing much on account of waiting for results to come flying at my face have lead me to discover all manner of useless trivia, thanks largely to local media and my tendancy to lerk on the internet. From the things we don’t care about department, we have: Gwyneth Paltrow’s kids have weird accents, according to Gwyneth Paltrow. And, apparently, acting isn’t an adult job according to Colin Firth Neither is politics, but adults still do it. Yes, clearly I’m in need of a distraction or two. God help me.

  • Community disservice. Thanks, Rexall.

    written by

    james

    Rexall Pharmacy has gotten on a lot of folks’s bad sides in Pembroke this past weekend. As the locals are aware, the 2010 Christmas parade ended up happening on Saturday. We were there, for all the fun that was–a separate entry on that’s coming. The parade’s route this year, as it does nearly every year, took it up Pembroke’s main street, past several stores, at least one Tim Horton’s, and several conveniently located apartment buildings. As a result, sidestreets were blocked along the parade route up to about half an hour before it was supposed to start. Standard operating procedure in Pembroke–one of the very few things that actually makes sense about the place. Enter the suck of the weekend.

    The likelyhood of people actually wanting to play customer for the duration of the parade is pretty much next to nill. So we pulled into a Rexall Pharmacy parking lot, intent on leaving our vehicle there and finding us a spot along the parade route–a short walk away–to stand and watch. At least two members of pharmacy staff were quick to come out of the store, and make a very good show of telling us, and the family we were with, that the parking lot was reserved for customers and we were to move our vehicles immediately. One of the members of the family we were with, who was driving their vehicle, was inside having a prescription filled. The staffer who talked to them instructed them to go inside, get the keys from the driver, and move the vehicle. Several more people who had intended to leave their vehicles there, and may or may not have thought about dropping into the store before the parade, got the same lecture.

    As said, as soon as the parade started, there weren’t a whole lot of people actually in the store–most if not all of them were standing on the side of the street, with us, watching the parade–and bitching about having been told to give up their parking space for nonexistent customers. But that having been said, the sidestreets on either side of where we were were blocked off, and Rexall wasn’t the only store who’s parking lot was quickly filling with spectators. I’m still curious where, exactly, the pharmacy staffers would have prefered we go. I don’t particularly think there was a preference–just as long as it wasn’t Rexall’s parking lot, which was–as we pointed out to the pharmacy staffer–shortly left pretty vacant after all the evictions were handed out.

    A note to Rexall Pharmacy. There’s a parade on. That parade runs pretty well right past your store. Do you think you’re gonna get very many customers for the hour it’s actually running? Trust me, none of your sales are that good. And hey look at that, the prescription wasn’t even ready when the parade winded down–making the folks we were with still your customers for the duration of the parade. Who knew?

    Related: When folks actually do have motives for pulling into your parking lot other than to watch the parade–like, for instance, ordering a prescription–it’s probably not a good idea to kick them off your property. You tend to actually *lose* customers that way. Oh, right–they were watching the parade. They weren’t actually customers. Okay forget I said anything.

    ,

  • Senators 3, Maple Leafs 0.

    written by

    james

    I will accept suckyness during a back to back. I will even accept suckyness on the front end of a back to back. But this much suckyness on this particular set of back to back games? Really? Can anyone tell me where the team ran off to? I’m pretty sure they got lost on their way to Ottawa on Saturday. All except the goalie, who eventually shoed up–just late. I’d like to buy a hockey team, please.

    • Wins: 8
    • Losses: 14
    • Shootout Wins: 0
    • Shootout Losses: 2
    • Points: 19

  • Sabres 3, Maple Leafs 1.

    written by

    james

    I’d just like to state for the record that last night’s game was probably the worst game I’ve seen. And I didn’t even see all of the first period–wherein we promptly imploded and gave up two goals. All told, before 20 minutes was up, we’d managed 5 shots to their 13 and nothing goal-wise to their 2. Not a very good way to start the game. Can we have that back, pretty please?

    • Wins: 8
    • Losses: 13
    • Shootout Wins: 0
    • Shootout Losses: 2
    • Points: 19

  • Own an MP3 player in Canada? You must be a criminal.

    written by

    james

    So says quite a list of Canadian music artists, anyway, who’re trying to put pressure on the government to introduce a new tax on the players. Naturally, they call it a levy, but look it up–it’s a tax.

    The letter urges the ministers to apply a levy to MP3 players that would later be redistributed to artists in royalties, in the same way that levies are currently applied to blank cassettes and CDs as compensation for music that is copied by Canadians.

    “MP3 players are this generation’s version of blank media. A copy is a copy and the principle of fair compensation for rights holders should apply whether the copy is made onto blank media or MP3 players,” the artists wrote.

    “…We know that you do not want to see a Canada that is devoid of musicians and songwriters, but without fair and balanced treatment, that may be the tragic consequence.”

    So once again, for the record, copying CD’s we’ve already purchased should cost us more–even if we’re only doing it so we’re not taking the offending CD’s with us out of the house. Thanks, Nickleback and company, for only proving exactly what I keep saying. And thanks for reinforcing the idea that we’re still getting a better deal from the pirates than you’re offering. I always knew I was making the right decision.

  • Funniest. Email. Ever.

    written by

    james

    This was forwarded to me in the hopes I might have a rant brewing. Truthfully, if I was desperate, I probably could. Sadly, I’m laughing too hard. I don’t usually bother with chain letters–of which this is one, just for the record–but, well, the mockworthy. It’s all over the place. I’ll shove my commentary where appropriate.

    Best email ever

    WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

    Gah, the caps. Really. Does the intended audience need to be slapped in the head with the message?

    ‘My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.

    Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

    Awesome. Really. Oh, by the way, sorry about those not really existent weapons of mass destraction–er I mean destruction. Really. I won’t say we told you so. But we did.

    This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

    Why do I get the vague suspicion there’s some kind of vague, christian-esque reference in there? Oh right. Written by the right wing. Sorry.

    Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

    The other list contains every one not on the first list. Most of the world’s nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

    Sorry, USA. Really. We just got all tied up with cleaning up that other mess you and the UK started. Yeah, you know the one.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war. THEN EVERY YEAR THEREAFTER It’ll GO TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.

    Again with the bloody caps. Geebus criminy. Also: hello, chain letter writer? Bill Clinton called. He wants his 1990’s platform back.

    The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

    Yes you are. How else are you gonna justify bombing someone else in 10 years?

    Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .

    Done. It’s been a pleasure.

    In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

    See: corrupt governments, not supporting of and my response to it.

    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or maybe China .

    I think France might have just been called third world. Nice.

    I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well.

    I wish. Hell, I wish Canada would, too. Say, wasn’t Iraq/Afghanistan all supported by NATO? Way to bite the hand that feeds you.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

    Again, didn’t the UN support Iraq/Afghanistan? Biting the hand, again, folks.

    A special note to our neighbors: Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

    Thanks for the warning. We’ll be shutting off the oil, now.

    Mexico is also on List 2. Its president and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple thousand extra tanks and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put ’em? Yep, border security.

    Hot damn, this letter writer *does* have one functioning brain cell. Who’d of thunk it?

    Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.

    Awwe. And we were just getting used to you guys screwing us over with it. Softwood lumber, anyone?

    We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska -which will take care of this country’s oil needs for decades to come. If you’re an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there.

    Awesome. Then we won’t lose any sleep over the afore mentioned shutting off of the oil. And hey, you just might save us a few cents at the pump, too. Thanks for that, guys.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, ‘darn tootin.’

    Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won’t forget.

    Little note, dear author. “Do what we tell you or we’ll bomb the crap out of you” does not constitute trying to help folks live a decent life. Unless you’re George Bush, but you knew that already.

    To the nations on List 2, a final thought : You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

    Why not? You guys are learning to speak Spannish.

    God bless America .. Thank you and good night.’
    If you can read this in English, thank a soldier.
    (Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let’s get this to every USA computer!)

    I do thank a soldier, every day. And his wife. My parents taught me to speak it very well, thanks. By the way, redneck is not english. Just for the record.

    PS: I despise chain letters. It will not be forwarded. It will, however, be endlessly mocked. Thanks, Candi. It amused me greatly.

    ,

  • Some day, Sarah’s gonna be president when she grows up.

    written by

    james

    Just not any time in the immediate future. At least, I sure as hell hope not. Not until she goes back and revisits her history classes, anyway–do they even teach history up in Alaska? Did she even pay attention when they did? She forgot, right? Yeah, why else would she call North Korea the US’s ally? Psst, Sarah? Your ally’s that-a-way. Clearly, they don’t call her Failin’ Palin for nothin’, you betcha.

  • Happy Thanksgiving!

    written by

    james

    To the American folks reading this today, happy giving of thanks to you. If you’ve got the day off, by all means enjoy the royal hell out of it. If you don’t, well, enjoy the royal hell out of the next day–you get to call in sick, or flake out on your scheduled day off, while everyone else gets slammed to the wall busy. For everyone else, mostly the people who don’t cellebrate Thanksgiving, happy little to no NHL activity day. Consider this a chance to allow your used and abused heart to recover from the last two months. Yes, Leafs fans, sadly I’m mostly talking to you. Take it easy, and remember, if I wouldn’t do it, it’s probably no fun.

  • A first in a long time, and a first… ever?

    written by

    james

    It’s been at least 3 months, but probably longer, since I’ve actually been able to say I’ve successfully found at least a job to apply for, even if I don’t end up landing it. It’s been longer since I’ve found one that on paper actually varifies I did, in fact, apply for work–useful when dealing with second career folks. I got one of these last night.

    James,

    This email is to confirm that we have received the application that you recently submitted on our website for the CUSTOMER INTERACTION REPRESENTATIVE position. Your information has been entered in our system and we will review it at the next earliest opportunity.

    Yay for automated form letter confirmation thinggies. Yay for actually receiving one for the first time since, I think, the last time I applied for a job at Rogers–who, by the way, still hasn’t called me back more than once since I started applying there. Oh, yeah, and yay for this.

    You also might want to bookmark our website or subscribe to our RSS feed, as positions we add in the near future may also be of interest to you.

    Hang on. An employer who actually offers RSS feeds of job postings? For serious? Bonus. Now, let’s talk pay and benefits and we’ll go from there. Hey, I may not actually land this job, but considering how long it’s been since I actually found one to apply for–and the fact this is the only company that’s actually using current-ish technology to advertise jobs (selectively using Twitter doesn’t count, Rogers), I’ll take it. Now let’s see if they offer it.

    ,

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