Anyone wanna guess what this is?

No? Okay fine. This would be, for the first time in a little bit over a month, my attempted reemergence into the realm of this whole blogging thing. This may or may not include yet more mockery, and that thinggy I’m supposed to do about what you guys were reading last month–conveniently, 4 or 5 days before I should be doing that thing about what you were reading while I was being all unavailable and things. There’s an abso-freaking-lute metric ton of crap I probably could, and should, be writing about. Sadly, most of it kind of stopped applying about 2 weeks ago–sorry, life does that to ya. Things that do get a mention here and may or may not be elaborated on when I have slightly more brain power. In list format, because hey, first post in a month, here. Lazy.

  • Moving: Jessica got herself all moved in, relatively in one piece and with most of what sanity she has left after dating and being engaged to me intact. Her stuff, thankfully, also made it to the other end in one pice. Find her take on that and several million other things over on her blog. Go now. I’ll wait.
  • Technology: I’d started the process before I left, and finished it while down there–in and around the above mentioned move. Shortly before my return to Canada–where I’m currently flaed out now, the new laptop I’d been aiming for met me here. It’s nifty cool, in the wicked sense. Still getting used to using Windows 7 on a more than occasional basis, but hey, so far I’m not complaining much.
  • The stupid: there’s acrap ton of it. It starts with local cab companies, and it’ll all warrant separate entries. Again, see the need for more brain power.
  • Hockey: the playoffs are closing rappidly in on us. There will be playoff mockery involved. There will not be Leafs recaps involved–again. Ah well. You saw it coming.
  • Leafs: I quit. At least for this season. I haven’t done a recap since mid-February. To recap this many games would be both exceedingly spammy and a very good reason to develop a migraine. Naturally it would also double as an excellent exercise in frustration–like all mid to late season attempts at playing the comeback kid do. You’re just not that team, Toronto. Sorry.
  • Mockery: Oh, dear lord, the mockery. Not in this post, but the mockery. I’m buried in it. It’ll get posted over the next couple days. Trust me–it’ll be more than worth the wayt.

So that’s kind of where I’ve been. Now, where’d I put my caffeine?

We still know what to do with that first rounder, right?

Okay. So. While I was out having fun last night, the Leafs related internet virtually blew up all over the place. We traded Chris Versteeg yesterday for a first rounder, a third rounder, and some guy who’s name escapes me at the moment. We know what to do with the third round pick–usually waste it on someone who’ll never see the light of day. But do we still remember what to do with the first round one? Last time we had a halfway decent pick in that round, we auctioned it off for Kessel. Which, okay, nice shot, but I dunno if we’re getting our money’s worth. I can’t even remember anything else we’ve done in recent years with picks in the first round they were that good. But we didn’t have this GM for most of those years, and he at least likes to pretend to use his brain if nothing else. Steve asked yesterday if we’d even still remember what the hell to do with it. I told him then we’d at least have time to figure it out. Thinking about it now? I just hope they don’t remember what they did with the last decent one. That didn’t work quite as well as we’d hoped.

Canadians 3, Maple Leafs 0.

Things I did not want to see when I woke up this morning. The 0 is on the wrong side of the scoreboard. Versus those bastards from Montreal, even. Seriously, something just broke. I dunno what, but something just broke. Bright side: Ottawa’s in last. That deserves a special place in mockeryland. Now where’d I put that article from The Onion?

  • Wins: 23
  • Losses: 33
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 52

Devils 2, Maple Leafs 1.

Our goaltender? Awesome. Our coatch? Okay. Our team? Uh, where were they? Yeah, again, missed this one. But at least this time I didn’t miss much. Apparently we didn’t actually play, or so reports go. Sigh. Oh well, I’ll take the point. So long, last available playoff spot.

  • Wins: 23
  • Losses: 32
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 52

Maple Leafs 5, Islanders 3.

I really need to stop existing outside of the Leafs viewing area, if only because I miss games like this. Apparently, we rocked socks. Yeah, in spite of the fact the Isles were kind of in a goalie predicament of the highest order–hey, is Telqvist still playing? You guys could use him. Still, I’ll take the 2 points. Now where’d I put my playoff predicting machine? Ah screw it, we’re still nowhere close.

  • Wins: 23
  • Losses: 31
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 51

Maple Leafs 5, Thrashers 4.

I never know what I’m getting with this team. Sometimes, we actually play. Sometimes, we don’t and still manage to win. Sometimes, we play enough for 3 games and get smoked. And sometimes–like, for example, that last game–we just get smoked. But hey, these are always nice.

  • Wins: 22
  • Losses: 31
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 49

Sabres 6, Maple Leafs 2.

Oof. I didn’t even bother so much as glancing in the general direction of this game’s recap. Score says it all. Or at least says enough. Once again, just oof.

  • Wins: 21
  • Losses: 31
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 47

Maple Leafs 3, Hurricanes 0.

Okay, we need to stop doing this. I’m seriously starting to see playoffs. No, seriously. It’s February, we’re just about kissing 50 points, and Ottawa’s still doing laughably. We don’t soon knock this off, I might actually have to start regretting not being able to watch these games. Shhh, I said might. Don’t push me.

  • Wins: 21
  • Losses: 30
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 47

Maple Leafs 4, Panthers 3.

If we keep doing this, I might just become a fan of the shootout. On the other hand, we’d have to win a shit ton more of these. Could happen, right? Right? … Right?

  • Wins: 20
  • Losses: 30
  • Shootout Wins: 4
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 45

Lightning 2, Maple Leafs 0.

And we hit the all star break with a splutter, and a die. Typical Leafs fashion. Against another team from another state that shouldn’t have a hockey team–and this one’s got two. And they say the NHL isn’t broken.

  • Wins: 19
  • Losses: 30
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 43

Hurricanes 6, Maple Leafs 4.

Hell. Handbag. This team. There are just no other words. None. At all. At least it wasn’t 6 1? Yeah, sure, let’s run with that.

  • Wins: 19
  • Losses: 29
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 43

Maple Leafs 5, Ducks 2.

I’m actually sorry I ended up missing this game. I hear it was several varieties of wicked nifty cool. Well, for us, anyway. Now why can’t every game be like this? Oh. Right. Toronto. Nevermind.

  • Wins: 19
  • Losses: 27
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 43

Rangers 7, Maple Leafs 0.

Just when you thought your team’s found the bottom, they go and invent this. Rumour has it only 2 players actually showed up–the rest kinda sorta stayed off the ice. Okay, might as well have. No wonder it’s taken me until now to post these. even a week later, this hurts bad.

  • Wins: 18
  • Losses: 27
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 41

Flames 2, Maple Leafs 1.

Does anyone remember when we actually used to beat these guys on a fairly regular basis? I mean yeah, so now we only play them once every year or two. This used to be the team we’d warm up on before getting stomped by Vancouver or something. Ah well. I’ll take the point.

  • Wins: 18
  • Losses: 26
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 3
  • Points: 41

Coyotes 5, Maple Leafs 1.

I just have one question. How does a hockey team based out of Phoenix, bleeding money out the ears and bleeding talent out everywhere else, come up with an ass kicking and lay it on a team from what’s supposedly the land of ice and snow? I’d really like to know how that works. Yeah okay, so they have that one guy coatching. Gretsky or whatever. It’s Phoenix, for crying out loud. They don’t get to win. Except, apparently, when they do. Dammit.

  • Wins: 18
  • Losses: 25
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 40

Maple Leafs 4, Sharks 2.

I will always get a kick out of how fun this game was to watch. Particularly since this is probably the only time this year we’ll see the Leafs actually win 4 in a row. Sucks, but whatcha gonna do? I’m gonna do this.

  • Wins: 18
  • Losses: 24
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 40

Maple Leafs 3, Kings 2.

Okay, that was good. Awesome, even. Probably better than tonight’s game will be vs. San Jose, but you’ll have that. And hey, we actually didn’t implode in the third. How’d that happen? Probably still hanging out in the league’s basement, but we can’t have everything. Hell, some years we can’t have anything–we cheer for Toronto, after all. Oh well. Just be happy we get to sit at:

  • Wins: 17
  • Losses: 24
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 38

You know it’s bad when even the crazed are done. Hi, Ottawa Senators.

According to a recent poll, the Senators are done. Not just done, but according to the Ottawa Sun article, toast. So say 66% of fans questioned in the linked article. Uh. What was their first clue?. It’s been said before, and it’ll be said again. The Stanley Cup will never go to Ottawa. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch my Leafs try hard not to lose this game.

Related: Have a random video. Embedding is apparently not an option–the rat bastards–so have this instead. Go Sens go! And take the Canadians with you.

Maple Leafs 9, Thrashers 3.

I would just like to state for the record, the Thrashers shall officially be renamed, as of now, to the Thrashees. Also: when one line is responsible for the majority of your scoring, and the majority of your schooring translates to approximately 66%, you know you’re doing something right–at least with that one line. Now if we can just have the other three start in that direction.

  • Wins: 16
  • Losses: 24
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 36

Maple Leafs 6, Blues 5.

A shootout we didn’t suck at. And I of course neglected to watch this game. Why do I do that to me? Oh well, we still won. Now, then. Where’d we put the offense for tonight’s game?

  • Wins: 15
  • Losses: 24
  • Shootout Wins: 3
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 34

Bruins 2, Maple Leafs 1.

I watched this game. I have no idea why. It hurt. We had a lead, then we sold it for a cup of coffee. Or a knock in the head, whichever. I also need to stop not blogging these games reasonably quickly. But, you’ll have that.

  • Wins: 14
  • Losses: 24
  • Shootout Wins: 2
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 32

Maple Leafs 5, Senators 1.

I’m not sure what was more entertaining. That we actually won, convincingly, or that we did it against those bastards from Ottawa. *In* Ottawa. I’m gonna say nearer to both. And for a change, I actually managed to stomach the CBC website long enough to pull up the game replay. You may find me bitching slightly less about that network now. Slightly. And hey look, the suck factor’s a little less disgusting over there. Still nowhere near the playoffs, but I can accept this.

  • Wins: 14
  • Losses: 23
  • Shootout Wins: 2
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 32

Blue Jackets 3, Maple Leafs 2.

Welcome to 1 step forward, 3 steps back. We played the hell out of that game yesterday. We even walked away with a lead or two. Of course, then we had to play the third period. Yeah, we played. Or rather, pretended to. And we uh, fell over. Yeah, it hurt. Now where’d we put .500 again?

  • Wins: 13
  • Losses: 23
  • Shootout Wins: 2
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 30

Hurricanes 4, Maple Leafs 3.

Not entirely too terrible for the morning after. But not really. We actually sort of played semi-decently. Except for that part where we didn’t quite perfect this whole scoring first thing. Four times in the game, they nabbed a lead by a goal. Three of them, we sort of staggered our way back to tie it up. Then well, we missed, they didn’t, game over.

Prediction: Playoff run? Yeah, call it over. Right now. When’s baseball again?

  • Wins: 13
  • Losses: 22
  • Shootout Wins: 2
  • Shootout Losses: 2
  • Points: 30