Welcome to Nowhere

I’ve heard folks calling 911 for some pretty stupid reasons. A cold that hasn’t gone away for like 3 days, for instance. But some of the reasons on this list make those seem just a little bit more on the intelligent side than maybe perhaps they ought to. Which, come to think of it, is probably why they ended up being saved for a “top list of” headline. Just goes to show, some folks will always maintain a certain level of job security just to counteract the stupid.

1. A man called police to help him retrieve his personal property. The man had gone to his girlfriend’s home and taken out his glass eye. He was upset that she hid his eye and refused to return it.

5. It would be expected that a person would call police to report a $90,000 fraud. However, it’s not common that the caller names Sen. Mike Duffy in Ottawa as the accused.

6. A man called police because rain water from his neighbour’s roof was falling on his property.

My absolute favourite off that list, though, has got to be this one. Because really.

4. A squirrel jumped through the open window of a car, causing the driver to accelerate into a ravine. Luckily the driver was not injured and the squirrel now looks before leaping.

For those of you keeping score at home, that rates about a 6 on the amusement scale. And probably the lowest out of all of them on the stupid scale. You decide what that says. Me? I’ll be over here thanking all things sane there are still people with a talent for giving other people job security.