Meet the cousin of lying through your teeth, spying through your teeth.

I haven’t mocked anything from whackjob central, A.K.A. Iran, in a while. I’m due. From the land that brought you bans on valentine’s day, comes a conspiracy theory that’d make your typical overly paranoid North American cringe just a tiny bit. A citizen of the US has been arrested for, yes, spying through her teeth. Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Iranian border guards have arrested an American woman on suspicion of spying. An espionage device was found in her teeth, according to the Iran daily, which is not known for carrying accurate reports.

Yep, they caught us. We’re sending folks into Iran with implants in their teeth to send us back information on what other foreign elements have been banned from use. I think I liked these guys better when they were threatening to nuke us from orbit. Can we go back to that, please?

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