Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

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I’ve never confessed a thing before, so I’m actually kinda a little new at this. See, money’s a little bit on the tight-ish side of late. I’ve had to resort to planning out what I’m going to need a week in advance so I can go about the business of remembering to buy it when I can aford to. So, things were getting a little desperate in life. I had rent money, money for a couple of month end bills that were coming out, but that was… well, sort of it. Even my fridge was starting to actually look roomy, which doesn’t happen over here. Now, I know it’s no excuse for what I did, but… well, I’m hoping that in my explanation you might find something to help you understand why it is I had to do it. It was early evening, and I’d just gone to look for something caffinated. There was a single, solitary coke, and several of the lesser things they call pepsi staring back at me. I didn’t want to do it, father. But I didn’t have a choice. There was only one of them… so… I… oh, I can’t even type it. I knowingly, willingly, and… and… and without hesitation… oh, oh dear god, I actually opened a pepsi! … Can you ever forgive me? … Please say you can forgive me…

Note: This overdramatization with a side order of mockery was brought to you in part by boredom. And a mysterious lack of coke.

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12 Comments

  1. the coca colaism priest has heard thy confession

    In order to obtain absolution from the coca cola god, you must
    1. Take out that lonely single solitary coke from the fridge.
    2. Set it on your computer desk.
    3.
    Sit at your computer desk and do not touch the single solitary can of coke.
    4. say 100 “hail coca cola”s
    5. When finished, return single solitary can of coke back to it’s place in the fridge.
    6. Patiently wait until next week when you can order more cokes.
    7. When next week comes, promptly order sed coke.

      1. Re: the coca colaism priest has heard thy confession

        Thank you, thank you. I, at least, will be here all week. Whether or not I’ll be awake, however, is another question entirely.

  2. Oh, I can relate. It’s the sense of betrayal, when you know you’re the one who did the betraying, that’s the worst part. The fealing of self-loathing is absolutely indescribable, I totally understand. I’m going to drink a Coke now.

  3. forgiveness

    No, i can never forgive you, because in my mind, Coke is far less of a soda than Pepsi. I know, you’re probably saying i’m wrong, but that’s my opinion, and I’m entitled to it, so if we’re going to be friends we have to agree to disagree on this one. By the way, thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

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