TSA confiscates a butter knife from an airline pilot. TSA confiscates a teenage girl’s purse with an embroidered handgun design. TSA confiscates a 4-inch plastic rifle from a GI Joe action doll on the grounds that it’s a “replica weapon.” TSA confiscates a liquid-filled baby rattle from airline pilot’s infant daughter. TSA confiscates a plastic “Star Wars” lightsaber from a toddler.

Feel safer yet, US folks? No? Well, okay. How about now?

Of all the many complaints about airport security and the TSA, one of the most common is that they make little distinction between plausible security threats and passengers unlikely to be doing anything wrong.

And a recent incident in Wichita, Kansas has reinforced that argument, as a four-year-old girl was apparently subjected to a humiliating ordeal after she hugged her grandmother while she was waiting in line.

The girl was accused of having a gun and declared a ‘high security threat’, while agents threatened to shut down the whole airport if she could not be calmed down.

When asked about the overbearing treatment the girl received, a TSA spokesman did not apologise and insisted that correct procedures had been followed.

Keep going, TSA. Sooner or later, you’re bound to catch you a terrorist. Hey, maybe you can put that on 2012′s best catches list. Or how about just admit your system’s a little tiny bit busted? Yeah, somehow I didn’t think so.

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Your average American’s got two things going on on Christmas day. They’re eating way too damn much, and probably watching either football or basketball. Or both, if you’re some folks. An author over on Techdirt wanted to be one of those folks. Here’s the catch, though. As always happens, the gatekeepers said thanks, but no thanks.

Like many of you, I made the trek with my girlfriend to my parent’s house to exchange gifts, eat too much food, and sit around with my family and friends talking as the television sat in the background displaying football and basketball. As the night progressed, the food cooled, the board games became boring, and the way my family slings around red wine resulted in the urge to go home early in the evening. Since my girlfriend was kind enough to drive us home (sober, of course), I was free to do what I wanted in the passenger seat.

And what I wanted to do was watch sports. The tail end of the Bulls game was still on. The Bears game would shortly follow. Sports on radio never did much for me. I wanted to watch. So I yanked out my smart phone and checked out the NBA site, the NFL site, and the sites of our local television stations. What I found was what I expected: the local stations didn’t offer any streaming of the games, but the NBA and NFL have their versions of mobile streaming packages which generally start right around the $50/season mark. This gets you access to their respective broadcasts (not the local ones).

Enter a problem easily solveable by pirates, as the article explains. But I’ll pause there just for a minute. He’s already got a cable package, presumedly. Were he already at home, he could plunk his ass down in front of the tube, flip to the local station, and catch the broadcast that way, at no extra charge. He would probably even, though he doesn’t say so in the article, not mind paying a little bit extra just to get that same broadcast on his phone. But the NBA and NFL have their own ideas. What he does say, though, is he’s not out to avoid being nagged at by advertizing–he’d have it easily, and the leagues wouldn’t be responsible for it.

Here’s my question: why is any of this necessary? With that same smart phone, I could have gone to one of dozens of websites (evil, evil websites) that would simply stream the games I wanted directly to my device for free. More to the point, they’d stream the local broadcast that I wanted, complete with commercials. Why wouldn’t the major sports leagues do the same thing? If advertising is still the major money-maker for professional sports (and, along with merchandise, it is), why wouldn’t they want to increase their reach by offering their own free advertisement-laden stream? Coupled with location identifiers, I’d think the leagues could partner with local broadcasters to make sure that people were getting the same geographical broadcast they’d get watching at home. Again, the same commercials can be in place, so what’s lost? Why charge me $50 a season to watch the game on my phone or tablet, but not levy that same charge for watching on my television? It’s the ads that matter, isn’t it?

And, as he somewhat sideways eludes to, had he done exactly that–gone to one of those evil websites that would have given him exactly what he wanted exactly how he wanted, he’d be among the masses the very same leagues accuse of depriving them of their advertizing dollars and causing all manner of horrible evil bad things to happen to innocent children. And yet, you can probably guess exactly what he did. Rather than let you, have this.

And so we get back to the start of this piece, in contrast to Mike’s message of masses saying “no” to those who impede technological progress. Because in my case, driving home that blustery Christmas night, with only thoughts of Derrick Rose and Brian Urlacher in my head, I felt no urge to say “no”. I only recognized one sentiment as I glanced over the league’s packages for streaming and then turned to one of the evil, horrible, death-enducing sites that gave me the stream I wanted just in time to see Derrick Rose drive the lane and score the winning layup to beat the Lakers: I don’t need their packages.

No one needs their packages, necessarily. Not as long as the same damn thing can be obtained at a cost no different than it would to watch the same broadcast at home. The leagues already make mega cash off advertizing. Plus I’m fairly sure they all have their own TV channels now, which means more mega cash from cable and satelite subscribers. But they’ve joined everyone else in the recent trend of charging multiple times for the same content in a slightly different format. No, you don’t need their packages. And neither do they. The sooner they realize that, the more willing their fans would be to fork over more of their money. Now which league’s gonna go first?

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Tobacco kills people. Everyone knows this. So to try and combat that, a company has come up with an electronic cigarette idea (disclosure: I support this article’s political position, even though I 1: don’t smoke and 2: didn’t link it for its political viewpoints). In the series in question, tobacco is either banned or very hard to come by–the author doesn’t actually specify which one it is, but unless you’re among the rich crowds, you probably don’t have access to it in any case. Instead, people are doing, well, exactly what this article describes.

To the uninitiated, walking into this suburban Toronto bar must look like a throwback to the 1980s. A cloud of what appears to be smoke can be seen hovering over a group at the far end of the establishment. But a quick check of the sense confirms that looks can be deceiving.

The air is fresh, lacking the pungent aroma of burning tobacco; the eyes aren’t watering with the sting of fresh smoke seeping into the sockets; and instead of ash trays and cigarette packs, the tables are full of small bottles of liquid and other pieces of equipment. On this night, a group of Toronto-area electronic cigarette, or e-cigarette, enthusiasts are getting together for their monthly meet-up.

Wouldn’t you know, science fiction does serve a purpose. How many more steps now before smokers get to freely comply with another of my political viewpoints–smoke all you want, but keep it to yourself. Oh well, the idea’s still interesting. And that it looks like it came right out of the only actual series I’ve managed to read through and not completely lose my mind makes it both interesting and amusing. Hell, why not? Let’s see where this thing goes.

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• I saw several hundred job ads today, which is a change. So of course, that change has to come with a catch. Because it does that kinda thing. Today’s catch? Every single goddamn one of those ads was completely and entirely in French. I kid you not. I only moved here last year–I shouldn’t be contemplating moving elsewhere. Or should I? You be the judge.
• I’ve decided. As far as pitchers go, the Bluejays are a jinx. Steve’s probably gonna wonder what the hell I’ve been smoking, but here’s my evidence. And yes, random games from random years is evidence, dammit. First it was Roy’s postseason no-hitter in 2010, while with the Phillies–the freakin’ Phillies, goddammit! And in Detroit yesterday, Justin Verlander came damn close to one. If memory serves, he played quite sucktastically the few times I saw him in a Jays suit. Who the hell is this guy? At least Roy was still good when he was with us–he just became a god after he left. But this? Yeah. Jinx. Has to be. Now hearing arguments to the contrary.
• It’s the long weekend. Officially the first long weekend of the hot. That means countdown to AC. I suspect sometime this week or next, it shall exist once again in the living room window. Now, the question becomes–do I get completely plastered after putting it up, before putting it up, or while putting it up? Either way, I think there’s booze in my future.
• Speaking of booze, long weekends and that Steve guy, he’s at it again. Long weekends mean booze, and one or both usually means audio. So he and Carin, of Vomit Comet fame, are obliging. Their first one went damn near an hour. Their second? I have no idea. And they’ve still gotta survive tomorrow and Monday. That hangover’s gonna blow hard, I do believe. Go check ‘em out, toss ‘em a comment or 5, and–hell, since it’s all over Steve’s twitter anyway–fire a question or few at ‘em if you’ve got ‘em. Rumor has it they’ll answer anything. Or at least they’ll fake it.

This is my brain. This is my brain on random. Enjoy. Now, where’d I put that shtuff I was gonna add to the mock list…

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May 16 11:38pm: can i get my high school on odsp

Nope, you’re screwed. Completely. You’re expected to be completely dependent. Can’t very well do that if you’re all educated like–which is what employers actually look for. How dare you upset ODSP’s master plan? Oh, crap–I’d best not let the roommate know. Oh right–he reads the blog. Oh well, I tried.

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May 10 2:57pm: i was hurt in a store, how does it affect my ODSP

Uh… you’ll get more? Unless your particular social worker’s being as cheap as our premier–well, where it matters, anyway. Then sadly you’re fubar. But don’t worry. It’ll all work out in the end. If your ODSP goes up, so will your hydro bill. And hey look, if your ODSP stays exactly the same, your hydro bill will still go up. See? Everybody wins.

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By law, it means you must be fully fluent in English and that other, Quebec-centric language. Yeah, that one. Occasionally, it means English and some other language, like for instance, Spannish–who the hell offers official services in Spannish, in Canada? It also means positions I’m otherwise fully qualified for–hello, jobs so damn similar to the one I was booted from in 2008 it’s not funny–become so far above my pay grade it’s almost embarrassing to say so. Yes, I can fix your computer. Yes, I can even take your static HTML-based website (yes, some companies still use those) and turn it into a dynamic, blow your socks off accessible, website in any language and on any platform of your freaking dreams–and probably customize the thing to boot, without knowing a damn thing about the specific ins and outs of that language (go open source technology go). But I can only speak one, much more widely used, language. Yeah, sure I’ll wait for you to call me. What, no call? Oh–you hired the French-speaking guy who has no idea what WordPress or even PHP is. Gotcha. But at least I got this nifty little thanks for coming out letter. I’ll add it to the pile. See, employment insurance folks? I *am* looking for work. Here’s all my “thanks for applying but we don’t want you” emails.

Folks have stepped up their game in this area now. Where you could get buy if you only survived on two languages, in the last couple weeks I’ve seen a growing number of trilingual positions. Usually, again, the first two are obvious–the legally required ones. But that third, who the hell uses it officially in Canada language–again, usually Spannish–makes itself known. And again, positions I could nail in, say, 2008 or earlier? Yeah, those ones? Thanks for coming, but can you please leave? It’s what lead me to apply for a position completely out of my field, with a company who’s interviewing/hiring practices give me cause for concern–that’s an entry for later.

Guys. You’ve got a ton of qualified people hanging about. Most of them probably more qualified than me. A few of them even used to work with me–and, at last report, were still looking. Only problem? I can count on one hand how many of them speak two languages, nevermind three. And you’re not even asking for folks who can speak the secondary language some of these people can. That’s just asking for a tool with decent linguistic skills is all that is. And half of them probably still don’t speak *our* second language.

(*): I speak English, and Clue. Sadly, as far as employable folks go, I’m probably in the minority–at least by legal standards. As far as folks who’re actually employed? That second language is endangered–I’m looking directly at you, Rogers.

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Starting today, you can discover the best of Twitter in a weekly email digest delivered to your inbox. This summary features the most relevant Tweets and stories shared by the people you’re connected to on Twitter.

Stories feature a design similar to the recently updated Discover tab, emphasizing who shared each story beneath summaries to help you decide which ones matter most to you. Click any headline to finish reading the story, add your take by tweeting directly from the email, and see related Tweets from the people you follow.

Twitter, I love ya to death. Really. There’s days where it’s completely unhealthy. But, and here’s where you went just a little tiny bit off the beaten path here. I already see the most relevant tweets, at least as far as I’m concerned, on a daily basis. They get snarked at, replied to, retweeted, and occasionally mocked on this blog. They don’t need to be in my inbox–I’ve already read them. Thanks, though. The thought was nice. Just work on the execution and we’ll talk.

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Let’s be honest, James, most people say they are not satisfied with their job, and yet they drag their butts out of beds every single morning and go to work. Most people say they want a seconds paycheck, but very few actually do something to get one. Most people say they are underpaid, but still they continue to settle for the same pathetic paycheck year after year. Most people will tell you they want a better life for themselves and their families, but how many of them are willing to take the steps necessary to accomplish that?

If you are not like most people and are truly interested in making a real change for yourself and the ones you love, then you have to read this message like it’s last thing you will ever read in your life, because in as little as 15 minutes you may have a second paycheck mailed to you.

Every time someone sends one of these, an angel loses her wings. Which might also help to explain a few folks I know but that’s another entry. Still, gotta admire their persistance–this is the second email they’ve sent me. Now, then. About that second paycheck…

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• I get the thrill of joining the “mile high club”. Really, I do. I’d never *do* it, mostly because those seats are damned uncomfortable on their own, but I get it. Here’s the thing, though. I thought a plain was required? And no, I don’t mean to jump out of–although, nice touch, guys.
• Growing up around guns, you tend to learn two very important things. Keep them out of the reach of small children, and don’t take them to the bathroom. Well, okay, so maybe some folks only learn one. Hey, Darwin? I’ve got one.
• Very, very few folks will be familiar with my actual reason for leaving the W Ross school when I did. In terms of readership, very few folks will probably even be filliar with the W Ross. One school in New Jersey, though, seems to be borrowing right from the school’s handbook–and has decided a a no hugging policy would absolutely rock. Yeah, I’m not getting it either. But I’m probably not supposed to.
• And of course, I’m forgetting entirely the entire mess with SIPA (go internets go!) and the newest form of what the yarf from that corner of the world, CISPA (hey internet? Yeah, can we do it again?). Both bills mock themselves, but if you’re not entirely familiar with the latter, these guys have a pretty good take on it. And yeah, it’s a little bit what the yarf.

It’s amazing the things I miss when I’m being tossed in 6 different directions. And later, I get to prod the TSA in the eye with something hot. Again. God, I miss that. As for now, though, enjoy reading. Just remember the rules–if you’re gonna snark, do it in the comments. That’s why we’ve got ‘em.

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Oct 16 7:42am: please explain occupy protests

We’ve been trying. No, really. We have. All it’s gotten us is a kick in the nads. But hey, feel free.

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• Become very, very single
• become very good friends with a few people–one of whom I’m attempting to convert to a life of geekery
• laughed, snickered, and eventually cried at the nature of the still sucktacular job market
• and oh yeah, did I mention I seem to have missed out on an entire phase of my oldest nephew’s growing up while life was happening around me?

And that’s just the basic, uh, okay not even close to scratching the surface. It’s been happening, and then some. The roommate’s doing, for better or worse, the guidedog thing–you can follow his progress on his own site, and I’m giving my head a couple years to stop spinning. But, hey, the rest of me’s finally stopped. Which means–yep, you guessed it. I’m back. And this time, I come armed with mockery. Now, if the Journal that is Live will permit this thing to post, I won’t have to slap it.

PS: Yes, I’m still considering hanging up on LJ. It’s just not happening–just yet.

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PS: If anyone has Toby Keith’s ear, can you please tell him he’s done much, much better? Just tossing that out there.

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• Of course, the team I call my own (hint: over here) choked again. In spectacular fashion. They call this the rebuilding year–well, those of us who haven’t seen the playoffs since 2004 are still waiting. Oh well. We’re also used to it.
• I got a lot closer to spending the rest of my life with someone–I even had a quote in hand for a wedding, which was something a lot of people–myself included–didn’t see me doing.
• I moved back to Ottawa, where I actually started to put my life back together–or, rather, where I actually started to have a life again. This whole getting out and doing things idea? Yeah, let’s keep hold of that, yeah?
• That wedding quote I mentioned? Turned out it wasn’t going to be needed after all–I ended up single this year. It was hard getting there, a lot of things went down that kind of kicked me in the face, but I can’t say I didn’t see it coming.
• Met some extremely awesome people this year–and actually started talking to a couple of them more regularly. Get these people in the same room with a nifty amount of something alcoholic and there may not be a room left, but hey, we’d have fun doing it.
• Did a ton of job searching. No job finding, but plenty of searching. That’s halfway, right? That’s what they tell me, anyway.
• And, most importantly, survived to see 2012. Some days I don’t know how, but you’ll have that. Provided life doesn’t continue to kick me in the face, this year will rock in comparison.

So how was your year?

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1. Was 2011 a good year for you?
It was an okay year, employment situation notwithstanding. I can’t eally complain, overall. Relationship issues tended to cause a small problem, but those have been kind of put to bed, now.

2. What was your favourite moment of the year?
Moving back to Ottawa. There’s just so, so, so much more to offer here than Pembroke/Petawawa. Love the town, don’t love the lack of anything that can be done without use of a vehicle.

Personal events that took place over a large part of the summer–things I won’t be putting up here any time in the near future, but things that, we’ll say, lead me to sort of suspect things wouldn’t be the same after. And, well, I was right. We’ll leave that at that.

4. What are your plans for 2012?
Same as they’ve always been. Try and find work, maybe put a little money aside. Get back into doing this more often–complete with the usual mockery and other such breaky type things. Oh, yeah, and get used to this apartment. The awesome still slaps me in the face and I’ve been here now for 7 months.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the US, and sadly, only did that once–I hate being broke/poor. Stayed around the home front otherwise.

6. What date in 2011 will remain etched in your memory?
August 19.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not going completely, foodstamps broke. That took some creative nifty.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Not entirely a me thing, but not landing any kind of work, which was the reason for moving to Ottawa in the first place. Still, can’t complain–well, can, and will, but probably shouldn’t.

9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Thankfully, no. I’m probably the only one in my family who hasn’t on some level this year.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
The laptop–from which this thinggy type thing is being now written. Hey, it’s come in handy.

11. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
She knows who she is. I’m not in the business of naming names–besides, that’s kind of been put to bed now, it looks like. Have fun, by the way.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Wo wait I had money? Most of the money I’m told I have went to, and still goes to, bills. That’ll probably never change. Hello, ODSP.

13. What did you get really really really excited about?
An apartment we ended up not actually moving into when we moved to Ottawa–but very nearly! Huge ass building, laundry rooms on every floor, vending machines, a pool–and oh yeah, our mutual friend in recovery has her eye on the same one–now all she needs is money. Or a roommate. Hey, anyone in the Ottawa area interested?

14. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
Too many to list, but a song that will always stand out to me is “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts. I saw them in concert in the beginning of the year. In my book, that puts them up there with Garth and BNL–especially considering the concert was damn near as good.

15. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Probably thinner. I could walk more this year–and did! Hello, getting places! Christmas dinner probably erased most of that, but you’ll have that.
b) Happier or sadder? Happier, I’d say. Not enthused about being unemployed, but still, life’s good.
c) Richer or poorer? About the same. Maybe slightly poorer. Again, hello, ODSP.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Remember conversations either in person or on the phone that would have you awake until 4:00 AM? Yeah those. Those were awesome. ‘Nuff said?

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Getting stressed about the job market. It’ll fix itself, or not, when it wants to. In the meantime, there’s booze.

18. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it at the parents’. Om nom nom coma. Wake me up when newyears gets here.

19. Which LJ/MySpace users did you meet for the first time?
That would be Jessica. And Candi. And, uh, I think that’s it–I dunno. Ended up engaged to Jessica. Not bad for online.

20. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I was already there. Might not hurt to gie it a shot in 2012, though. Or maybe 2013.

21. How many one night stands?
None. Although, if my 2012 2013 plans don’t work out–see previous question, you just never know.

22. What was your favourite TV show?
Not a fair question. all my *favourite* TV shows stopped running before 2011. Although, if CSI ever improves…

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Probably should, but no. Too much goddamned effort. Besides, I’ve always believed–we all get ours. I don’t have to bother.

24. What was/were the best books you read?
I’m hute into the “In Death” series. So, yeah, any book from that series. Including the two released in 2011–go read. Now. No, seriously. Stop reading this, go read those books, then come back to this. I’m not joking.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I didn’t make any real major ones in 2011. Unless you count the Blake Shelton version of “Footloose”. Yeah, I don’t either. Good song, but no. However, it will make the blog, now that I’m back to blogging.

26. What did you want and get?
A laptop. And apparently, the patience to survive a whole lotta small town stupid. Don’t ask me how.

27. What did you want and not get?
A decent paying job. Or hell, a job at all. Yeah, I know, stand in line.

28. What was your favourite film this year?
I wasn’t overly impressed by the selection this year. Most of them were meh, with one or two that just plain outright sucked hard.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I had a low key birthday. Not a whole lot went down over here–unless you count spending part of it fighting to migrate the blog and a few other domains away from a web host with a rather itchy trigger finger–but you’ll have that. oH, AND THE REST OF IT TURNING 28.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Being able to say I accomplished more by moving to Ottawa than just changing my mailing address. Still, that’s a start, I guess.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Same as I would in 2010, and will in 2012. If it fits, it works. Everything else is negotiable.

32. What kept you sane?
What the hell is sane?

33. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Can’t say I had one. Most of ‘em were too busy getting divorced, married, and divorced again. If I wanna see that, I have relatives.

34. Which political issue stirred you the most?
Like most up here, I paid attention when the NDP became official opposition. Jack Layton’s death only 3 months later is the kind of stuff political drama novels and movies are made of. I mocked him a time or six on this thing, but really, there was something to him. And there might be that same something to the common theory that his not being here now is what’s probably going to lead to the NDP getting bumped off the front benches in next election. Unless the party pulls off a small leadership miracle.

35. Who did you miss?
Can’t say there was anyone really. A few people I didn’t talk to much and probably should have, but we aren’t all that close anyway–otherwise I would have.

36. Did you treat somebody badly in 2011?
Not that I can think of, but I’ve been told I don’t think all that much.

37. Did somebody treat you badly in 2011?
Probably. I never had the energy to really care.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
Drama still sucks. When your situation is mostly drama, you’re in the wrong situation. Get the fuck out. Now.

And there you go. A year end thinggy before my year end thinggy. Yay and whatnot. Now, about pizza, booze, caffeine etc. Now taking suggestions.

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The holidays are insane on a good day, which accounts for most of my time spent doing things not related to blogging. What accounts for the rest? A mutual friend of both Shane and myself came down with some pretty nifty little medical issues–some of which, some of you are already familiar with. That’s required we be a lot more not near electronics than usual around here while those get fixed and otherwise taken care of. Thankfully, she’s kind of on her way towards recovery now, which means–you guessed it–back to business as usual around here.

It’s been pretty low key on the familial front. Mother’s still working too much, dad’s still working too much, brother’s still–well, okay, nothing he does is low key but there’s not enough room in this entry for that. Oh, and–surprise of surprises–I’m single again. The reasons behind it aren’t worth going into detail publicly–again, some of you already know and the rest, well, probably have theories. But suffice it to say I kind of saw it coming. For those of you who read Jessica’s blog when she posts to it, it’ll be up again just as soon as she figures out what she’s doing with it–and if it’s actually going to get any kind of continued use. Outside of that, it’s been a pretty routine month and a bit–where routine equals anything but. but now, there’s time. And where there’s time, there’s all kinds of random. New year, which means new posting habbits, new mockery, and a new year end show to be kicked off at 9:00 tonight on Mojo Radio. Drop in, say hello, and have a listen (links are over here), while we do 2011 right–and get trashed. Look for more blog content from this corner–including my 2011 review, starting… well… later tonight or early tomorrow. Maybe. But it’s coming. In the meantime, we now return you to whatever you were doing before I distracted you.

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