So, I’m sitting here nomming on supper, and a thought sort of pokes me in the eye. Well, okay, there’s also that one that says I’ve done this whole neglect the blog thing again, but that one’s always there. Especially when I find things to mock, put them aside, even download local copies of mockables just in the event they run off, then promptly forget to set aside the time to mock. But this one, just for the sake of being there, decides there will be no forgetting to write. And, well, far be it from me to ignore, well, me.

I now have proof. We, as a society, have blown right past screwed and are cruising for a permanent spot in hell. And the fool doing the driving’s got a piss poor sense of irony. Let’s line things up.

• First, a near strike by workers at the LCBO, that only comes to a miss at a little bit past 10 on Thursday night. Keep in mind, they don’t call this May 2-4 weekend for no damn good reason–there’s drinking involved. Lots of it. Well, unless you’re me (I should really fix that). So a strike, by the only folks in Ontario legally allowed to sell anything other than beer, on the weekend where a lot of people tend to go through a lot of anything other than beer, tends to be a wee bit problematic. More than a few people more than likely spent a chunk of Thursday emptying out the store before the boozepocolypse. Which reminds me–I expect to see that $50000000000000000 noted in a much smaller budget shortfall, Ontario government. Lowering the provincial half of the HST wouldn’t hurt either.
• That was the warning shot. Then, on Friday morning, most of the province–and apparently as far out as Cleveland–was earthquaked. Measured around 5.2 at its center, so the folks say, with a 4.2 aftershock about 10 minutes later. No major damage, but then, that wasn’t the plan. That was strike 2.
• Strike 3 happened in Toronto. No, I’m serious. And it’s been happening all weekend. And it’s not about to blow over, on account of the guy at its center’s up and stuck his head in the sand. No, he will not be named. He need not be named. It explains itself.

Image source: Toronto Savvy

You’ll note I’m staying clear away from anything involving Ottawa, senators, Ottawa Senators, and things named Duffy. These misformed beasts can be lumped together under the heading of collateral damage. Not that the train wreck we get to watch now isn’t damage enough all on its own, but you’ll have that. So where does that leave us? Welp, if the conspiracy theorists are right, next comes the firing squad and folks sitting on disability support get a special spot at the front of the line. Me, I prefer to look at it from a different perspective. We’ve all got a one-way ticket straight to hell. Bright side: someone else is doing the driving, so if yall don’t mind too terribly, I think I’ll go get started on the drinking. Hey, it’s cheaper than moron insurance.

I swear one of these days these’ll get old. That day is not today. From the land of the Google, we get a partial statement. And it even has a degree of truth to it.

Nov 14 11:05am: welfare and odsp create jobs

… For any aspiring social worker, whether you’re actually qualified to be one or not, depending entirely on your definition of qualified. Oh, you were meaning they create jobs for their recipients? Well–no one’s offered to hire me, yet. On second thought, perhaps a call to my case worker’s in order…

One of the things that keeps me close to Ottawa is that it’s got all of the convenience of a major city, but the atmosphere of a small town. More often than not, that’s a thing that kind of comes out when you least expect it. Like on the first weekend of actual warm weather, when I’m sitting here working on I forget what, and out of the blue, completely from absolutely nowhere–or maybe just around the corner, comes a thing I haven’t heard since I was, we’ll say, 13.

Apparently, I’m not sure if it’s this part of the city or just this community, but somebody from somewhere drives an ice cream truck. And at about quarter past 8 on Saturday, the thing sat in front of my house for a good 20 minutes. Over top of the music, I swear there must have been a good dozen kids out there at any one time. I was halfway tempted to go nab something, if only because again, not since I was maybe 13. Sadly that required both money and the motivation to find something that would have been appropriate to wear even in my front yard, given what would have been my extremely close proximity to the afore mentioned dozen kids. And since I wasn’t sure I had the first and couldn’t be arsed to find the second, I contented myself with sitting here listening. Because really, that’s probably the second best sign of summer in existence–second only to the only solution to 35 above freezing being a vanilla milk shake at a temperature approximately 35 below freezing. That having been said, though, if it’s not a one-time thing I’m storing a stash of quarters in my sock drawer. Because signs of summer, dammit.

I spent 5 years, we’ll call it, in Ottawa altogether, not counting the year I spent in small-town exile. And until now, I had absolutely no clue such a creature even existed in the city–although I did find other small town style things to be mildly impressed at. It’s the kind of thing you don’t much hear about in the major cities, like your toronto, or your Vancouver, or places like that. It’s what Pembroke could potentially be, if it wanted to be. And it’s a thing that goes awesome well with baseball–provided the team what plays the baseball actually shows up (Sidenote: thanks for yesterday. More, please.). And the thing only took 5 years to find. Because huge small town city is huge, and it almost comes off like several smaller towns all slammed together under one moderately disfunctional city council.

Because I can’t hear a thing without sharing, and since this is pretty much what I got to hear for 20 minutes on Saturday, and because my ability to record what I heard was sharply hindered by my lack of decent recording equipment, combined with the above mentioned lack of motivation to find me something worth wearing in that close proximity to kids, have your very own ice cream truck. Because signs of summer, dammit. Yes, even if you’re one of the 7 people still shoveling your driveway this morning (PS: Better you than me.). Anyone have some spare quarters? My sock drawer’s looking a little empty.

And sometimes, I keep things around simply because somewhere out there, there probably is someone desperate enough to have tossed this into a legitimate dating site’s search system. With, er, probably about equal results, now that I think of it.

Nov 5 10:52am: hot ass pembroke ont

Somehow, pal, I’m pretty sure this is not the EHarmony you’re looking for. Nice try, though.

Besides. I’m pretty sure someone’s trying ti impress me. Well, finding a way to do this and not get caught would accomplish it.

Oct 30 4:50pm: how to get everything you can from odsp

Let me know how that goes, why don’t ya. In the meantime, I’ll be over here making sure they don’t take what we’ve already got on account of cost cutting. Oh, yeah–and trying to wake my brain. Where’s my caffeine?

From the way back department, a thing that would be useful. Very useful, actually. Which makes it all the more likely it’s just not about to happen. Considering the love (*) we’ve been getting from the government of late, I’d be inclined to think useful things for ODSP folks take a back seat to useful things for executives in the healthcare industry. But, since we’re being wishful and all that, have a thing.

Oct 24 7:33pm: do i get extra money for christmas when i’m on odsp

Good idea. Won’t ever be seen. Same with extra money for just about anything else–like a phone bill, even though not having one makes trying to do anything useful with ODSP a very interesting little exercise in migraine. Of course, I’d love to be proven wrong–there *is* a budget coming down in a week. Yeah, I didn’t think so either.

(*): The government does love us. Or rather, they love to hold us up as a statistic they’re fixing while all the while fixing to do not a whole lot about this mess. But hey, why split hairs? We don’t need all that fancy stuff–like, you know, rent flexibility. That junk’s for the working class.

It’s amazing how involved folks get with the whole april fools day idea, even right down to doing things that honestly wouldn’t be surprising–hey, Google killed their Reader platform, so it’s not completely beyond the realm of possibility for them to off Youtube. And with the day being 3 hours old, I’m already highly amused. Why? Well, let’s see.

• Youtube dies a death today. All along it’s been a contest for the awesomest video, and it goes see ya later while the judges pick a winner. I knew I should have downloaded that Jeff Dunham video.
• In Youtube’s place, Google’s beta testing a new product, called Google Nose. Finally, I can make the office here smell like the outdoors without the risk of opening the window and freezing my everloving ass off (hi, still nearly 5 degrees out, nice to see ya). Also comes in handy if it happens to be -40 and you still want that freshly cut grass smell.
• Apparently Google’s the only one taking an early start at this whole gag product thing, but hey it’s worth it. Kind of. especially if you happen to like the colour blue–and maybe want your entire email system to reflect it. Personally I’ll stick with my self-hosted email, but hey–somebody might just sign up for this one.
• Because everyone pretty much has been dumbed down to LOLSpeak anyway, Twitter’s offering the LOLSpeak edition of its service, TWTTR, for free. Meanwhile, the grown-ups who actually want to continue forming proper sentences, complete with non-missing letters, will be paying $5/month. They’re also offering the ability to extend your tweet limit by an additional character, for a price depending on the popularity of the character you need (*). A mighty fine way for me to actually put some missing punctuation back on the end of some of my damned tweets. Hey Twitter, let’s talk.

And it’s Google 4, the rest of the world 1. Not bad for a thing that only just started. You should probably disconnect your internets if you don’t have a reasonably good bullshit filter, at least until 12:01 Tuesday morning. Things should return to normal around then. Normal, and baseball. Mmmmm…. baseball.

(*): I’d actually not mind seeing a feature like this. And paying for it. Though, I’d be interested in maybe a discount for all the Tweets who’s ending pounctuation I had to lop off just to make the damn thing fit. On the other hand, perhaps that’s why it’s on the April Fools list–Twitter’d be paying *me* money.

I’m a bit of a sucker for snark. Okay, more than a bit. I’m especially a sucker for snark in the form of a Youtube video that just comes right out and, well, says what the folks I deal with on a somewhat regular basis don’t say (I’m looking at you, Rogers–and, to an extent, Bell). Hell, it’d probably be vaguely easier to stomach if these folks’d just come up and be honest with it. But, well, since there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening in about half a forever, I’ll content myself with replaying this video. If you’re going to do the same, you might want to make sure you’re at home and out of earshot of the little ones–there’s a bit of language. Readers of the RSS or email variety, you’ll have to flip on over to the site unfortunately. It’s Youtube, which means flash, which hates email/RSS. Sorry.

Now tell me. Doesn’t this just wanna make you pick up the phone and have a friendly chat with your local internet/TV tech support? Yeah, me either.

I wasn’t originally supposed to be home right now, so planned a relatively fluff day. Sorry if you were hoping for part 3 of the Paramount disaster–but it’ll show up. And probably so will part 4. But as for right now, the fluff. It’s everywhere. And drowning in awesome. Especially if you’re at all into the whole science fiction thing. Why for? Well. Uh. Ahem.

Nov 5 8:23pm: Technology: You promised me Mars Colonies. Instead, I got Facebook. W.T.F.

If that isn’t at least close to the best ever google, as in ever, then I have no bloody idea what is. I mean, come on. Has no one seen the Jetsons? We’re late. It’s all that time spent on Facebook, I tells ya. And they say social media doesn’t hold society back. By the way–if anyone needs me, I’ll be somewhere in the vicinity of Twitter.

I needed an excuse to post this video, and my reference in another entry to the guy behind it is a damn fine excuse if I do say so myself. Well, that, plus it’s awesome. If you’ve never seen him live, you should. If you’ve never seen him at all, you should be one of the first ones to go click. Oh, and if you *have* seen him live, I incredibly hate you right now. Either way, watch. Just I’d recommend not having anything to drink while doing so.

If you’re reading this via RSS or email, you’ll want to flick on over to the site. It requires flash, and they’ve yet to devise a thing that does flash in email or RSS reliably. Sorry.

Very occasionally, I’ll pull a random search statistic out of the pile and toss it up here, Usually because at the time there was some degree or several of amusement in its timelyness–or, even, the timing of when I actually manage to find it. Take, well, this one for instance.

Oct 16 6:50am: how to piss off bell canada

Well… If you’re me, you put as much effort into downloading as much crap as you can as quickly as you can, then cancel your service–after bouncing off half a dozen managers who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing, and who’s jobs I could likely teach my technologically challenged mother to do and come out with pretty well better results all across the board. As you can probably figure, there’s a Bell rant brewing. Still. That rant is not today. But feel free to find equally creative ways to piss off Bell. They probably deserve it for something or another.

I take it all back. Every, single, goddamn word. I accept what the 80 million Christians who’ve been trying to convert me have been saying since the first time I asked one of them what the hell he was smoking. God does exist. There is physical proof. But does it seriously have to wear Senators colours? Hey–it came direct from Siri. How wrong can it be?

Readers of the RSS or email variety will unfortunately need to click over to the website to have a listen–Youtube has yet to invent a technology that lets you play it from your client of choice. Blame Youtube. Or flash. Or both.

There is a god. And if there is a god, it plays for the Ottawa Senators. And if worshipping God means worshipping the Senators, Christianity has just lost me forever. As in, I can’t even hear you now. That kind of following just is not physically possible if you’re me. Or any proper fan of anything that isn’t the Ottawa Senators. Divine intervension or not, just no. But hey, I’ll watch him and his team get stomped out of the playoffs any day.

Semi-related: I have just answered why it is the Leafs haven’t seen playoff action since 2004. Damn you to hell, God. Just damn you to hell.

Edited to add: So apparently the email utility I use strips flash content. Nifty. things to note for next time. Take 2, this time with flashy goodness.

Now this is an interesting take. A Macdonalds in Verginia has opted to allow customers free iPad usage while they eat. And they’re providing the iPads. apparently, the restaurant is leasing the iPads from a French company, who’ll be the ones actually in charge of their maintenance–and, presumedly, their replacement should some shmuck decide to get creative and find ways to walk off with one–they’re secured to the table, so creativity might have to be required to pull it off. I imagine anyone who does any kind of anything while mobile will probably still bring their own gear, if only because I can’t see someone checking their email on the restaurant’s iPad. But, hey, if all you want to do is shlept through the news or something while you eat, why not? The restaurant has apparently blocked Youtube, so shlepping through the news or something might be your only option if you’re borrowing one of their pads. Still, it’s an interesting thing to keep an eye on. In the meantime, it does make me wonder exactly how this conversation would have played out had our local one up here gone and done something similar. Hmm. Now I wanna test things.

I’m not entirely sure what in the blue hell this thinggy from Google was aiming at, but I hope they found it, whatever it was.

Oct 8 5:49pm: odsp rat. bastard

Let me see, here. Possible translations include. ODSP people are rat bastards? Yes, in a few cases definitely. The mess I landed in when living in Petawawa is proof of this. Someone got ratted out by or to ODSP? That’d certainly warrant me calling them a bastard–at a minimum–so, eh, sure. Why not? As for other possible translations? Okay I got nothin’. Not entirely sure if it’s because I’m half out of it, or they were. Of course it’s entirely possible this entry just didn’t need to be posted–but oh well. Too late now. The next one’lol be somewhere in the neighbourhood of decent. Or at least that’s what I tell myself while I seriously hope the thing doesn’t catch fire.

There’s whacky, messed up spam, there’s loopy conspiracies, and then there’s whacky, messed up spam dressed up to look like loopy conspiracies. I’m used to hearing all about them on TV, or the radio, or reading about them in $newspaper–see: Alex Jones, meltdown of. But this is the first time I’ve ever had one sent specificly to my email address. I mean hell, they didn’t even bother to do me the courtesy of slapping it into the contact page. It must be wicked major important then, right? I mean, only hugely important things get flung directly at my email address–and without any real delay at that. Nope, sorry, try again. It’s just a random American nutbar stalking me. How boring. Bright side: in so stalking me as this particular nutbar chose to, he/she/it more than happily self-mocks. But here–let me help out where I can.

I also really hope the government paid a crapload before this guy’s search prediction came true.

Oct 2 11:43pm: how to fast track ontario disability cause i’m dying

As for fasttracking anything, with this government? Yeah, uh, we’re still waiting on them to slowtrack some very basic fixes to the ODSP arangements in this apartment. Paging the Kingston lackies…

I haven’t mocked one of these in a while. Then I get this one, which escentially chooses to mock itself. I’m an accomplished professional, you see. Globally recognised for–well, see, the letter doesn’t actually say. I’m going to assume they’re finally recognising my awesomely awesome personality, based only on–uh–I got nothing else. Oh well, maybe someone who reads this can explain just what kind of professional I’m supposed to be. Note: professional pain in the ass doesn’t actually count.

Note: Links in this email are removed. Why? Because page rank leaching.

Related: Hey Outlook? Please don’t eat this post. I just got this system working–again.

Update: It ate this post. Bloody hell. Alright, have a manual pasting.

——————————————————————————–
From: James Jackson [mailto:james.jackson@linkselected.com]
Sent: December 17, 2012 10:28 PM
To: my@email.address
Subject: Invitation – Please Complete Your Profile

FROM: Worldwide Registry for Business Professionals
TO: my@email.address
RE: Worldwide Registry Publication

Hello,

You were recently chosen to represent your professional
community, deeming you eligible for the inclusion in
the new 2013 Edition of Worldwide Registry for Business
Professionals.

We are pleased to inform you that your candidacy was
formally approved on September 1st, 2012. Congratulations!

Click here to verify your profile and accept the candidacy

The Publishing Committee selected you as a professional
based not only upon your current standing, but focusing
as well on criteria from executive and professional directories,
associations, and trade journals. Given your background,
the Director believes your profile makes a fitting addition to
our publication.

There is no fee nor obligation to be listed. As we are working
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To verify your profile and accept the candidacy, please click here.

Please kindly note that our registration deadline for next year’s
publication is December 31st, 2012. To ensure you are included,
we must receive your verification on or before this date.

On behalf of our Committee I salute your achievement and
welcome you to our association.

Sincerely yours,

James G. Jackson
Managing Director
Worldwide Registry for Business Professionals

2532 Cambridge Court
Springdale, AR 72764
479-856-2690

If you would like to update your communication preferences,
please click here.

My Twitter people are trying to tell me something, apparently. Scrolling through it today, I saw quite a few postings of piano related things–some from Youtube, some from I don’t even know where else. Because, you know, this occasionally thinking that maybe I should actually dust off the piano sitting in the living room isn’t getting me anywhere. Well, okay, not entirely true. It’s getting me places. Just not very many actually, you know, good places. So, uh, thanks for the push, Twitter. Or something. I now think piano will be this year’s newyears resolution. Because apparently the fact that it was my resolution from 2 years ago is not, in fact, relevant in any way, shape or form. So what brought this one? Well, here, have a video. Then remind me in 2013 that I said I’d actually get back into it. I might listen. sorry, if you’re reading this via RSS or email. You’ll have to click over to the site to see the video. It’s a technology thinggy.

So If you’re a nerd, kinda like me, you find today’s date somewhat amusing. I suppose the same thing goes for if you follow any one of the 80 million people who officially declared today “international sound check day”. So here’s the thing. In honour of today, and to celebrate the fact you’re not gonna see very many more dates like this, I did… absolutely freakin’ nothing. Okay, not entirely true. At 12:12 on 12/12/12, I was somewhere between asleep and awake. Probably more towards the asleep end of the spectrum. That’s how I celebrate most geeky dates like that, you see. Entertaining, yeah? I suppose I could make up for it by doing 12 shots of vodka tonight in 12 minutes, but I’m not allowed to operate heavy machinery after I’ve been drinking. Or the blog, for that matter. Or, uh, just about anything potentially breakable–lest it become slightly more breakable in my otherwise, er, somewhat steady hands. So instead, I’ll spend 5 seconds on google, and link you to a list of 12 songs with 12 in the title. And that, right there, would be my 12/12 contribution. sorry it’s not right at 12:12. Guess I’m just not that profound. Sue me.

Shortly after I lost my job at Dell, I jumped on to every job advertising bandwagon going. Canada’s Job Bank. Indeed. Eluta. Hell, even Kijiji. They used to land me quite a few halfway decent interviews. In recent months, though, at least some of them have gone quite down-hill. Which leads to ads not unlike, well, this one, from Simply Hired.

Asdf at Gimpy (Ottawa, ON)

I’m thinking it may be time for me to toss Simply Hired off to one side. In other, related news, does anyone need a geek?

What we have here is a random thinggy. Because random thinggies are good. Even if done at half past odd while coming off a weekend spent in Pembroke with a machine that could use a couple replacement components. And even if done by a guy who apparently wouldn’t know what spelling was if it walked up and shook his hand. Thank christ this will see some editing before it sees the light of day. Maybe. And since I should be sleeping before we have to leave in an hour and a half, have a list.

• If you live in Ontario, you’ve probably heard about the Rob Ford kerfuffle. He’s been ordered–well, pending appeal, anyway–removed from office as toronto’s mayor after participating in and voting on an issue that, well, kind of involved him. There are two really good entries on the subject by Toronto Mike, with some pretty nifty comments on both, from both the folks in favour of and against what happened and how it happened. The short version: Rob ford is an idiot for voting on a resolution in council as to whether or not he should pay back what amounts to pocket change if your name is Rob Ford–even if he voted with the majority, and would have ended up not having to pay it back anyway. But that there’s one person in Toronto, namely the voter that took him to court over it, that has the power to remove someone the majority voted in from office is a little tiny bit concerning. Not quite as concerning as the fact the judge interpreted the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act to mean removal was his only option. Or as concerning as the fact that mayors of several other cities (I’m looking at you, Quebec) have either resigned or not for far worse. And let’s not talk about Dalton McGuinty. Both sides kind of flopped this one. And now toronto gets to more than likely go through another election–in which Ford wasn’t even banned from running, meaning he could very likely end up right back where they tried to kick him from. Not bad for a broke city.
• The NHL has killed off pretty much half the season at this point. Is anyone even still paying attention? How many more times are talks going to end up going nowhere before they just come out and tell us what we’re already expecting? Bright side: the Leafs have their first .500 season going into Christmas since… uh… anyone remember when? Now about baseball.
• We were staring at -13 degrees C coming on the end of last week. That’s freaking cold degrees, if you’re in the US. It was a fair bit above freezing in spots yesterday–note: not *this* spot, as evidenced by our driveway. Mother nature, please to be making up your mind. Thankya.
• May and I came to Pembroke this weekend for a Christmas party. Well, it’s what the natives call a Christmas party–they serve passable dinner, we get to hear a couple speeches, then a couple somewhere in the neighbourhood of tolerable old guys from around here get up on stage and try not to kill what would otherwise be okay songs. But the conversations were good, anyway.
• Related: I learned more about my cousin’s girlfriend in a couple hours during that party than I think I ever wanted to know about someone I’m not dating. Small towns’ll do that to ya, I guess. Is it too late for a refund?
• This. So much this. It was on my mockery list. Then I read this post. I can do no better. Well, okay, I *probably* could. But both caffeine and alcohol are required and I only have easy access to one.
• The one year I don’t get a lot of folks asking what I’d like for Christmas is the one year I’m exceedingly easy to buy for. I’ve had an iPhone for a bit over a year and a half. This means iTunes. This means gift cards. So if you’re looking…
• There is a Twitter. It is awesome. And I had nothing whatsoever to do with it. But, should you find yourself watching the afore mentioned twitter and then developing a liking for Big Bang Theory, you can gladly hand the credit this way.
• And lastly, because there can never be enough promotion, click, then hit play. You’ll love it. Yes, I’m a part-time fortune teller now. And also the awesome factor. I’m right. You’ll see.

I would mock this, but I’m not entirely sure how. Or if it would even be effective.

Oct 8 5:49pm: odsp rat. bastard

Guessing somebody doesn’t have a very high opinion of the folks running ODSP? Or people on ODSP? Or both? Hey, I can relate to that first one. And I’ve met a few of the second one. And I guess the search engine figured I’d agree with the sentiment. Who says those algorithms are dumb?

I’m not entirely sure what this person was hitting at when it dropped them here, but…

Oct 1 6:31pm: old folks saying about being loose

… I sincerely hope you found it, pal. I also hope it’s not going to turn into another one of those endless streams of searches for anything and everything worldsex–which I still get, in 2012, even though i wrote this post in 2007. But hey, if it does, I’ll have plenty to mock.

PS: I’d really love another several easy evenings that lead to the creation of posts like that one. Just preferably with more caffeine than I had with that one. that post? Should have been longer.

Here I go blowing it on the not blogging thing again. I coulda swore I had a reminder pasted around here somewhere to prevent it–unless Lacey ate it when I wasn’t looking. Speaking of Lacey, and we were, goddammit, she’s fitting in just fine over here. Had to reinforce a bit of basic training with her yesterday after a pretty significant pup distraction issue, but other than that, she’s coming along quite nicely. My attempt at college, though, isn’t doing quite so well–but that gets an entry on its own, possibly after I’ve had sleep. Or caffeine. Other things that’ll get brought up may or may not include vague references to pornstars. And a moving type thing–yes, again, but this time, we’ve found the place of awesome. Also my tweeting habbits have changed. Well okay, not the habbit–just the method. There’s reasons. They’ll be an entry. Oh, and because it’s not WTN without mockery, and since I love mocking folks who abuse the DMCA–there’s a mockery thinggy incoming. Namely, one aimed at me. But that’s also going to get an entry of its own. So why this one? Because, hey, I’ve gotten as many as 30 visitors to this thing just by writing nothing. Let’s see what this does.

I get some of the strangest people when I decide to actually go somewhere. There’s the old guys at the Mcdonalds, with an opinion on just about everything–and a few things that didn’t even exist yet. There’s the random old lady on the bus, absolutely convinced that May was about ready to walk off the said bus with my guide dog. Come to think of it, this morning’s fun I was with May as well–hmm, maybe it’s her and not me? Things to ponder.

So I go to meet May at the college, seeing as we had things to do. We get off the bus to go do said things, and this older lady follows us. More appropriately, actually, this older lady catches up to us and matches pace with me. So May and I stop, and this lady stops right next to me. Casually as you please, she says, almost exactly, “I have chocolate for you. Would you like some?”

After about 2 seconds of both May and I collectively WTFing, then figuring out–or rather, confirming–whether she was talking to me, or May, I just as casually tell her no. And just like that, as though this random lady didn’t just chase us from the bus stop just to randomly offer me, or us, chocolate, she turns and walks back the way she came. Of course, May and I beat it the hell outa there before she up and changed her mind. But I have to ask. I’ve gotten off at that stop several times, at several different times of day–and a couple times of night. Is she always just hanging out there with chocolate for random people? Has she done it elsewhere? Did she recently escape from a possible mental facility nearby? I mean, I don’t *think* there are many of those near by, if any, but I also didn’t think I’d grow a chocolate stalker on the way for my morning coffee. So inquiring minds–or maybe paranoid minds–need to know. In the meantime, remember those times growing up your parents prieched at you not to accept candy from strangers? Yeah? I think this lady was the class of stranger they were talking about. She was if nothing else, that class of strange. I think I need a new coffee place. Or a bodyguard. That likes coffee. And will occasionally buy me one. Hey this could work. Thanks, stalker lady.