I’m a little tiny bit more human than I was earlier today, so as a free something type thing, have a thing. There’s a whole crap ton of other shtuff that still has yet to post–it’s coming, promise–and more still I get to add to it, but this should see you through until then. It’s in no particular order, but it is in a list. See? Accomodating and everything.

• I saw several hundred job ads today, which is a change. So of course, that change has to come with a catch. Because it does that kinda thing. Today’s catch? Every single goddamn one of those ads was completely and entirely in French. I kid you not. I only moved here last year–I shouldn’t be contemplating moving elsewhere. Or should I? You be the judge.
• I’ve decided. As far as pitchers go, the Bluejays are a jinx. Steve’s probably gonna wonder what the hell I’ve been smoking, but here’s my evidence. And yes, random games from random years is evidence, dammit. First it was Roy’s postseason no-hitter in 2010, while with the Phillies–the freakin’ Phillies, goddammit! And in Detroit yesterday, Justin Verlander came damn close to one. If memory serves, he played quite sucktastically the few times I saw him in a Jays suit. Who the hell is this guy? At least Roy was still good when he was with us–he just became a god after he left. But this? Yeah. Jinx. Has to be. Now hearing arguments to the contrary.
• It’s the long weekend. Officially the first long weekend of the hot. That means countdown to AC. I suspect sometime this week or next, it shall exist once again in the living room window. Now, the question becomes–do I get completely plastered after putting it up, before putting it up, or while putting it up? Either way, I think there’s booze in my future.
• Speaking of booze, long weekends and that Steve guy, he’s at it again. Long weekends mean booze, and one or both usually means audio. So he and Carin, of Vomit Comet fame, are obliging. Their first one went damn near an hour. Their second? I have no idea. And they’ve still gotta survive tomorrow and Monday. That hangover’s gonna blow hard, I do believe. Go check ‘em out, toss ‘em a comment or 5, and–hell, since it’s all over Steve’s twitter anyway–fire a question or few at ‘em if you’ve got ‘em. Rumor has it they’ll answer anything. Or at least they’ll fake it.

This is my brain. This is my brain on random. Enjoy. Now, where’d I put that shtuff I was gonna add to the mock list…

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I think this will be a regular thing. It’s kinda fun. Now, let’s see. To give it its own category eventually?

May 16 11:38pm: can i get my high school on odsp

Nope, you’re screwed. Completely. You’re expected to be completely dependent. Can’t very well do that if you’re all educated like–which is what employers actually look for. How dare you upset ODSP’s master plan? Oh, crap–I’d best not let the roommate know. Oh right–he reads the blog. Oh well, I tried.

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Since my rather lengthy dealings with ODSP a few years ago, all of which can be read over here, I’ve been seeing more than several searches for things not even closely related to what I was posting about–but definitely related to ODSP. Which reminds me, I really should come at them with round 2 at some point, since Ontario’s ever so lovely government’s been looking to cut costs and all that. Some of these searches are in the form of questions that should probably be directed at these people’s social workers, provided said social workers possess at least a passable level in brain. Since they probably don’t, I’ll take to answeing the random ones here. Because it’s what I do. Like, say, this one.

May 10 2:57pm: i was hurt in a store, how does it affect my ODSP

Uh… you’ll get more? Unless your particular social worker’s being as cheap as our premier–well, where it matters, anyway. Then sadly you’re fubar. But don’t worry. It’ll all work out in the end. If your ODSP goes up, so will your hydro bill. And hey look, if your ODSP stays exactly the same, your hydro bill will still go up. See? Everybody wins.

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This has been sitting in my saved items folder since, uh, well, October. Yeah, that’s how busy I’ve been. There’s more, including some quite mock-worthy links, but we start with this.

Oct 16 7:42am: please explain occupy protests

We’ve been trying. No, really. We have. All it’s gotten us is a kick in the nads. But hey, feel free.

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What do you know? Probably about 2 months without blogging and already twice in one day. Either I’m turning this thinggy around, or this is a really, really bad fluke. Whicheer it is, it works. I don’t do these thinggy type things often, but this one was just kinda staring at me and well, I don’t exactly have a ton of stuff to do at the moment, so here, have a thinggy.

1. Was 2011 a good year for you?
It was an okay year, employment situation notwithstanding. I can’t eally complain, overall. Relationship issues tended to cause a small problem, but those have been kind of put to bed, now.

2. What was your favourite moment of the year?
Moving back to Ottawa. There’s just so, so, so much more to offer here than Pembroke/Petawawa. Love the town, don’t love the lack of anything that can be done without use of a vehicle.

Personal events that took place over a large part of the summer–things I won’t be putting up here any time in the near future, but things that, we’ll say, lead me to sort of suspect things wouldn’t be the same after. And, well, I was right. We’ll leave that at that.

4. What are your plans for 2012?
Same as they’ve always been. Try and find work, maybe put a little money aside. Get back into doing this more often–complete with the usual mockery and other such breaky type things. Oh, yeah, and get used to this apartment. The awesome still slaps me in the face and I’ve been here now for 7 months.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the US, and sadly, only did that once–I hate being broke/poor. Stayed around the home front otherwise.

6. What date in 2011 will remain etched in your memory?
August 19.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not going completely, foodstamps broke. That took some creative nifty.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Not entirely a me thing, but not landing any kind of work, which was the reason for moving to Ottawa in the first place. Still, can’t complain–well, can, and will, but probably shouldn’t.

9. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Thankfully, no. I’m probably the only one in my family who hasn’t on some level this year.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
The laptop–from which this thinggy type thing is being now written. Hey, it’s come in handy.

11. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
She knows who she is. I’m not in the business of naming names–besides, that’s kind of been put to bed now, it looks like. Have fun, by the way.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Wo wait I had money? Most of the money I’m told I have went to, and still goes to, bills. That’ll probably never change. Hello, ODSP.

13. What did you get really really really excited about?
An apartment we ended up not actually moving into when we moved to Ottawa–but very nearly! Huge ass building, laundry rooms on every floor, vending machines, a pool–and oh yeah, our mutual friend in recovery has her eye on the same one–now all she needs is money. Or a roommate. Hey, anyone in the Ottawa area interested?

14. What songs will always remind you of 2011?
Too many to list, but a song that will always stand out to me is “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascal Flatts. I saw them in concert in the beginning of the year. In my book, that puts them up there with Garth and BNL–especially considering the concert was damn near as good.

15. Compared to this time last year are you:
a) Fatter or thinner? Probably thinner. I could walk more this year–and did! Hello, getting places! Christmas dinner probably erased most of that, but you’ll have that.
b) Happier or sadder? Happier, I’d say. Not enthused about being unemployed, but still, life’s good.
c) Richer or poorer? About the same. Maybe slightly poorer. Again, hello, ODSP.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Remember conversations either in person or on the phone that would have you awake until 4:00 AM? Yeah those. Those were awesome. ‘Nuff said?

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Getting stressed about the job market. It’ll fix itself, or not, when it wants to. In the meantime, there’s booze.

18. How will you be spending Christmas?
Spent it at the parents’. Om nom nom coma. Wake me up when newyears gets here.

19. Which LJ/MySpace users did you meet for the first time?
That would be Jessica. And Candi. And, uh, I think that’s it–I dunno. Ended up engaged to Jessica. Not bad for online.

20. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I was already there. Might not hurt to gie it a shot in 2012, though. Or maybe 2013.

21. How many one night stands?
None. Although, if my 2012 2013 plans don’t work out–see previous question, you just never know.

22. What was your favourite TV show?
Not a fair question. all my *favourite* TV shows stopped running before 2011. Although, if CSI ever improves…

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Probably should, but no. Too much goddamned effort. Besides, I’ve always believed–we all get ours. I don’t have to bother.

24. What was/were the best books you read?
I’m hute into the “In Death” series. So, yeah, any book from that series. Including the two released in 2011–go read. Now. No, seriously. Stop reading this, go read those books, then come back to this. I’m not joking.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I didn’t make any real major ones in 2011. Unless you count the Blake Shelton version of “Footloose”. Yeah, I don’t either. Good song, but no. However, it will make the blog, now that I’m back to blogging.

26. What did you want and get?
A laptop. And apparently, the patience to survive a whole lotta small town stupid. Don’t ask me how.

27. What did you want and not get?
A decent paying job. Or hell, a job at all. Yeah, I know, stand in line.

28. What was your favourite film this year?
I wasn’t overly impressed by the selection this year. Most of them were meh, with one or two that just plain outright sucked hard.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I had a low key birthday. Not a whole lot went down over here–unless you count spending part of it fighting to migrate the blog and a few other domains away from a web host with a rather itchy trigger finger–but you’ll have that. oH, AND THE REST OF IT TURNING 28.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Being able to say I accomplished more by moving to Ottawa than just changing my mailing address. Still, that’s a start, I guess.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Same as I would in 2010, and will in 2012. If it fits, it works. Everything else is negotiable.

32. What kept you sane?
What the hell is sane?

33. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Can’t say I had one. Most of ‘em were too busy getting divorced, married, and divorced again. If I wanna see that, I have relatives.

34. Which political issue stirred you the most?
Like most up here, I paid attention when the NDP became official opposition. Jack Layton’s death only 3 months later is the kind of stuff political drama novels and movies are made of. I mocked him a time or six on this thing, but really, there was something to him. And there might be that same something to the common theory that his not being here now is what’s probably going to lead to the NDP getting bumped off the front benches in next election. Unless the party pulls off a small leadership miracle.

35. Who did you miss?
Can’t say there was anyone really. A few people I didn’t talk to much and probably should have, but we aren’t all that close anyway–otherwise I would have.

36. Did you treat somebody badly in 2011?
Not that I can think of, but I’ve been told I don’t think all that much.

37. Did somebody treat you badly in 2011?
Probably. I never had the energy to really care.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
Drama still sucks. When your situation is mostly drama, you’re in the wrong situation. Get the fuck out. Now.

And there you go. A year end thinggy before my year end thinggy. Yay and whatnot. Now, about pizza, booze, caffeine etc. Now taking suggestions.

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Oct 9 10:42am: who hands out clean crack pipes in Vancouver

That’s exactly the question I asked a few weeks ago. Who in their right mind? Although, speaking of right mind, I hope that search wasn’t to point our querier in the general direction of a source…

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For those of you who don’t know, JAWS for Windows is the screenreader that some of us in the blind community use to be able to do things like, well, post random pointlessly amusing things like this to our respective blogs at half past late in the morning. You can find more information on the screenreader, and grab yourself a 40-minute demo, over here. When it’s not being a screenreader, though, it’s taken up singing as a secondary passtime. It’s still only a beginner, but there’s potential. Just have a listen for yourself. Folks reading along via RSS or LiveJournal may need to click on over to the actual site to listen. Sorry.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Consider this when planning your next family function. It could be a huge success. Or it could flop. We here at WTN take no responsibility for either–but we *will* take your barely entertaining recordings.

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Things like a random mall trip, culminating in a massive cinimon bun. Things like driving back to the apartment blasting music. Things like way too much caffeine on the way. Things like watching my cousin go completely batshit after way too much caffeine. Oh, yeah, and things like learning my aunt reads this here broken thing over here–I’m sorry. Sometimes, life rocks. Now, then. I do believe it’s time I put away this phone and join the crazy. God help me.

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One of the down sides of not having done this for over a month is I’ve missed out on quite a bit of amusing random. Or, rather, not so much missed out, just shoved off to one side to be looked at when I was no longer dealing with things. So, in other words, right about now. From the “how the hell did this get here” department, we go digging through search stats. Apparently, I don’t have to be posting for folks to find things amusing–the upwards of 5 and a half years of material on here seems to be doing well enough with that all on its own. And now, I snark and snicker, all in one entry.

Aug 9 1:14pm: fuck the job market

Thought it, multiple times. Said it, probably a few more times than that. Like I told someone yesterday–yes, the economy up here is better than in other places. But, less craptastic is still pretty fucking craptastic. And around these parts? It’s still pretty fucking craptastic. So yeah, by all means. Fuck the job market.

Aug 13 11:55am: free porn

No bloody idea what you were looking for when you ended up here, but I seriously hope you found it. And I seriously hope it wasn’t a spam comment that slipped through the cracks–that would suck just a tiny bit. Just, please, remember to wipe your screen.

Aug 14 12:20am: Famhly porn

I… um… don’t want to know. No, seriously. Who’s family? No wait, don’t answer.

Oct 3 11:52pm: why is it illegal to download tv shows if you have cable

A very, very, very good question. And one I still haven’t found an answer to. I’ve already written a novel on that particular topic, part of which folks are still finding of interest, but I’ve yet to hear an actual, honest to goodness solid explanation for it–other than the typical $billions in lost sales claim that’s been disproven 6 ways from Sunday. But, I’m still open to an actual explanation… if anyone’s got one.

Yeah, clearly I need to do this more often. Consider that a note to self.

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Random walks that result in much picture taking. And the accompanying road trip. Life is good. Cheering up Trish? Much better.

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I am about to break my own rule. But before I do that, it has to be said that this week, with no exceptions, was a box of awesome, packed in epic, with a win topping. Jessica came by for the week, as she’s known to do. We had several things planned, and I’m fairly sure we crossed most of them off the list.

A lot of reconnecting was done, and plenty of amusing fun was the result. She came in on Friday, and we went to Pembroke right from the station for my aunt and uncle’s 25th anniversary. We were able to introduce her to more of my extended family who, as I suspected, strongly approved. A ton of fun was had, alcohol–the bar variety–was consumed and dancing was done. Afterwards, it was back to Ottawa and the awesome waiting there.

Monday was getting Jessica used to the place, since she hadm’t been here before. Tuesday was our first official show on Mojo Radio, in preparation for something we’ve been working on for a few months. We test our usual setup for such things in a week or two if all goes well. Wednesday was more relaxing, and getting ready for Thursday.

One of the things Jessica wanted to get done was to meet up with a local friend of ours–you may know him as Blind Bandit. So we did the least recommended thing and mixed that with booze. The result? Posted on Shane’s blog and not fit for public consumption. Friday was more relaxing, and today, we sadly have to return her.

The week wasn’t all party and insanity, though. Sjhe cane up to belatedly wish me a happy birthday. And, in so doing, might have just removed my biggest–or, at least, second biggest–knock against the iPhone. I’ve been saying the thing needed a dedicated, physical keyboard since before I got one, and nearly screaming it after. Because she has that whole listening thing down to an art, she went and picked one up for my birthday. Hence, this post is being finished while on the road. I’ll write a review of this thing when I get home. As for now, I should probably go say goodbye to my girlfriend.

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Then, I got me an education real fast. From today’s random glance at search stats:

Jul 20 9:05pm: will odsp try to employ me or just pay me

Don’t we all wish. Sadly, neither ODSP or the CNIB will do much for employment up here–despite the insistence by some folks in these parts that they do, or should. ODSP barely pays you, actually–thus, making it very nearly impossible to do much that vaguely resembles being financially, er, stable. Now, then, if that ever changes, I’ll probably be first in line up here. But, hello, sucky economy. It ain’t changin’ anytime soon. Sorry, random person from I think Google. You’re in the same boat I’m in. No wonder it’s barely floatin’.

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For that, I’m going to blame the fact there hasn’t been much on a personal front to actually post about. things are still awesome, except for that whole job market not really existing thing, but they keep saying it’ll fix itself and I keep throwing applications in random directions. But, really, it’s been pretty low key on the home front after the episode with my former web host, DreamHost–I’m still developing that entry, I swear. With things settling down, though, I have time for random search mockery. And random other mockery to be done later. But, rather than waste an entry just for that, have this.

Jul 16 2am: greyhound pissed me off

Oh, yes, yes they did. And occasionally, still do. It really and truely deserves its own category.

Now. Where’d I put that popular posts thinggy from, oh, 2 weeks ago?

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I’ve gotten spam before. We all have. I’ve posted the more amusing and/or strange pieces of it before. I can safely say, though, I got nothing stranger than this until, well, this. Clearly, someone out there thinks I’ve got a lot more money than I do. Or they wanna give me a house on a decent piece of land for free. The original was in french, but because I’m not a cruel bastard, have the Google translated version.

Bastides stone – Provence
If this message does not display correctly, click here.
 
 
 
 
 
PROVENCE (Gard Provençal)
 
Close to Uzes, OPUS Development offers
This stone country farmhouse of 150 m2 habitable with
swimming pool, terrace and large Mediterranean garden of 1200 m2.
 
Panoramic view of the plain of the Duchy of Uzès. Aspect South.
 
20 minutes from the TGV station and 30 minutes from the airport of Nimes.
 
Contact us at: + 33 (0) 4 67 60 63 76
 
 
 
 
Land Development | Property Development
OPUS Development SARL
4, rue de la Bourse Treasurers – 34000 Montpellier
Tel: + 33 (0) 4 67 60 63 76 – Fax: + 33 (0) 4 67 60 72 04
 
  This shopping mall is in line with current legislation and the deliberations of the CNIL of 22 and 30 March 2005 on the e-mail marketing.
According to the law “and Freedoms” of January 6, 1978, you have the right to access, modify, rectify and delete data concerning you.
To unsubscribe, click here.

Tell you what. I’ll trade you this wicked little apartment in Ottawa I know of…

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Jul 13 6:49pm: how many times do you get rejected by odsp before getting the pension

Sounds like someone’s had worse luck with ODSP than I have. And I’ve had some luck.

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Signs you should update more often include, when you’re going back through things you meant to blog about that now all of a sudden aren’t so relevant because you waited over a month to review them, you find something you’ve been meaning to blog about and just never had the time–or, for 3 days during that time, didn’t have the blog (that entry’s coming). That, er, rather includes this.

Jun 14 11:03pm: calling in sick for hockey game

I will openly admit to having unknowingly done exactly that. And hey look, we even won. Yeah, I’ll admit to having called in sick for a game. And I won’t lose any sleep over doing so. Don’t ask me to try hat after a loss, hough.

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I used to get these once per week. Some of them were just amusing enough to be posted here. Mostly because someone actually bought them. This one, though, actually looks–dare I say–professional. The way it does when you know they’re at least trying, but still don’t stand a chance in hell.

From: Quigley, Jim [Jim.Quigley@canadorec.on.ca]
Sent: Sun 12/06/2011 8:01 PM
To: info@webmail.com
Subject: System Administration?

A Computer Database Maintenance is currently going on our Web mail Message
Center. Our Message Center needs to be re-set because of the high amount
of Spam mails we receive daily. A Quarantine Maintenance will help us
prevent this everyday dilemma.
To re-validate your mailbox please Click below: CLICK HERE

Failure to re-validate your mailbox will render your e-mail in-active from
our database.
Thanks
System Administrator

Uh oh. I’d better go fix my official-looking email account. Yeah, that one. The one I don’t actually have. Nice try, though, kids. It was 30 seconds of amusement.

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And, well, because I almost never do these anymore. Sure, I’m not actually on LJ much anymore, but I still crosspost over there. And read the friends list–hi, RSS feeds done geekily. And thus, still have an account over there. So, because I do, and because I can, and because it’s an excuse to see how bad I can break the server, have this. Enjoy.

So, arinoch, your LiveJournal reveals…

You are… 3% unique (blame, for example, your interest in being blatantly honest), 16% peculiar, 41% interesting, 9% normal and 31% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy writing). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 25

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 57% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

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I should not be able to put back 5 beers in 4 hours, and still come back here, get behind the computer, and actually succeed in fixing potentially busted technology. I should not be that good. Or that sober after 5 beers. Just sayin’.

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And the hits just keep coming. For ODSP related searches, anyway. I must of hit on something halfway decent. Today’s random search trivia, brought to you by too little sleep. For more information, please, donate your caffeine.

Jun 6 1:25am: what you can really get out of odsp

Besides a good screwing over? Good question. Tell you what–I’ll let you know just as soon as I find out. Deal? Deal.

Jun 6 2:12am: how much is the GST in Ontario for a single man on O,D.S.P.

It’s HST this year–thanks, Dalton–and I don’t think the numbers have been thrown at us as of yet. I wait with bated breath, though. Not that it isn’t already spoken for or anything. Really.

Clearly, I need more sleep. Or more caffeine. Hmmm. Well, I’ve already tried for more sleep and that didn’t work. Where’d I stick the coffee pot?

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It’s official. My cousin has very nearly as warped a sense of humour as I do. This has snerk written all over it. Thanks, Trish. No, really. Thanks.

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

Number 2 TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She’s a f___ing bit__.

Number 3 TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this by?

Number 4 TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible. INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5 TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6 TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with… INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7 TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f___ing problem.

Number 8 TRY SAYING: That’s interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9 TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

Number 10 TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?

Number 11 TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues… INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

Number 12 TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13 TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14 TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I’m on salary.

Number 15 TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16 TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD O F: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17 TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18 TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You, Human Resources

Clearly, the individual who came up with these is in need of additional taskings. Or, in english, has too much f_ing time on his hands.

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It gets used. A lot. By me, at least. And I’ve been asked on half a dozen occasions what in the seven levels of hell the thing means. So, as a result of 30 seconds of boredom after grocery purchases, have this. Urban Dictionary, you are my adiction.

Verb or Noun: Small sound that is emitted through the nose and mouth, usually a compressed laugh or snort. Often accompanied with a small grin, smirk, or
sneer. Usually a tone of either derision, (as when someone says something you find stupid) or innocent humor. (When someone tells you a funny joke and
you are busy doing something else, so a full-fledged laugh is difficult.)Nice to use behind other’s backs, as when they do something inanely stupid and
you can’t help but laugh about it, but don’t want to fall over laughing.
Holding my lunchtray in one hand and balancing my fork, I snerked as Caroline delivered the punchline of the dead baby joke.

When the girl in front of me pointed at the Mustang and said, “Oh, I like that Camaro.”, I had to snerk discreetly.

There. Now, when next I’m seen somewhere *snerk*ing at some random bit of brainless, don’t ask what the hell *snerk* is. Just join in. Trust me, it’s way more fun.

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You know I have too much free time when I can pluck a random search query out of the statistics for today and turn it into a blog post. Today’s random Google question comes from this side of the border–and this province, I’d imagine.

May 25 11:15am: ODSP how can I spend it?

Oh, my poor unwitting searcher. Let me count the ways. Let’s see. first, you find an apartment in the middle of nowhere to attempt to call home. Then, you pay the nearly 50% of your maximum entitled income on rent–before luxuries like, say, electricity or phone service (which they don’t count as a necessity anyway, cheap buggers). Or maybe that’s just how I did it. For my next random search-inspired blog post, possibly, how to *save* your ODSP–the screw you over version.

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For folks over there in the US who may not know it, every year on the unofficial first long weekend of the summer, we cellebrate Queen victoria’s birthday–which, as luck would have it, would be today were she still breathing, apparently. Which, escentially, means everyone with a government contract gets to take the day off and most of Ottawa closes up shop for the day. And we, being the slackers we are, sit around Trish’s living room and play Rockband all night–in between burgers, hotdogs, and a Tim Hortons run (hey, we’re still Canadian, eh?). So last night, we did exactly that. Shot the shit, completely murdered several songs–some of which threaten to predate me, and all around had ourselves a birthday party the likes of which Queen Victoria would have probably not been caught dead at. Proof we have way, way too much fun round these parts. I think next year, I’ll just put forward a motion to rename the day. *Then* party.

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I should probably not be taking potential blog posting ideas from search terms. But, this might be a good idea on one of my random headache days. Hey, sometimes, I get this bored.

May 22 11:10pm: open letter to my headache

Good idea, random US googler. Hey, I already got a semi-decent start on it with the two-centence-long mini-letter at the end of this post. I’m heading somewhere.

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