The Maple Leafs have had more than their share of missing parts over the past two seasons but they are about to get their first captain since the retired Mats Sundin wore the “C” for the embattled franchise.

And it couldn’t happen to a more visible defenseman. The Toronto tradition of importing our captains continues. Congrats, Dion. Just pleas god don’t stop being the awesome.

Also: does this mean Caberle’s days as a Leaf just got a whole lot more numbered? I do recall something about him maybe being the next captain at some point. Guess it’s not now.

The blackhawks hadn’t won the Stanley cup since 1961. My Leafs haven’t won the cup since 1967. Near the end of the playoffs, chants of “1967! 1967!” sounded off amongst blackhawks fans. For that, I offer a hearty thank you. The cup was won in 6, by the Hawks, apparently fairly easily. This gives us the longest current running stretch wherein we haven’t had our hands on the cup. And one more very good reason to turn this thing around. Now, if we can just get our hands on decent players without costing us draft picks. Hey, anyone want Caberle? I hear he’s going cheap. Congratulations, Chicago. Get a move on, Toronto.

After sitting down to watch the Montreal toronto game last Saturday, I was rendered completely speechless for pretty much the entire week. Hence, no posts up here. You know it’s bad when we can’t even win properly to help ourselves. But we had a wicked as hell chance to screw someone out of a shot at the second season. Not just anyone, either, but a team we hate only slightly more than those goddamn Senators. Montreal only needed a single point to get into the playoffs. One. single. point. All we had to do was not fall completely apart in regulation and they’d be golfing on the course right behind us. We didn’t even manage to do that. Okay, so we still won, even if it was in OT, someone will likely argue. And they’re right. It just would have been nice if I didn’t for the next week or so at least have to hear about it every time Montreal pulls off a playoff win. It’s already bad enough we have to hear about Ottawa. Oh wel. As we in Leafs nation always say, there’s always next year.

I thought about watching last night’s game. Really, I did. For all of about half a second. Instead, I turned my attention to the Bluejays (they won, by the way). As opposed to our hockey team. It was over in the first period. Indeed, it could probably be argued it was over in about the first 20 seconds. Looking for an up side here. Hmm. Let’s see. Well, Dion Phaneuf scored. Once. And that’s it. Yeah, I got nothin’. God I hope the Canadians don’t make the playoffs. Really, I do. I’d hope the same for Ottawa, but well, it didn’t do me any good before. Okay, back to following baseball.

Three periods of semi-okay play, plus three periods of decent goaltending, plus this being Toronto’s hockey team equals a toronto loss. It’s how things have gone all season, and it’s how things went last night. And it’s probably going to go the same way next year. In well over 40 years of rebuilding for another stanley cup run, it’s never been quite this painful. And by never, I mean in my admittedly not very long, comparatively, memory. Pretty sad, though, when I don’t even believe my mother was born the last time they actually made it to the cup. Yeah, we need a new team. Is Phoenix still up for sale?

We actually played halfway decently. Outshot them, spent more time in their end than our own, and at the end of the game, we pretty much owned them like nobody’s business. Except, um, well, we didn’t. That’s the way the season crumbles. I won’t even do a last time comparison here–there is none. I mean, we beat them, but that’s about it. We didn’t play quite the same way we did on Saturday. Or maybe that’s the secret… hmm. Something to ponder during the off season, perhaps.

How often does this happen? After pretty much getting owned, rather solidly, all season by the boys across the border, we actually showed up and put on a pretty good show of not getting swept for the season. And this against a goaltender that pretty much stoned us every chance he got–which was every game except the one on thursday. Which, by the way, I was forced to miss on account of my parents not getting Leafs TV, on which it was apparently broadcast, and me being required to house sit for the evening, but that’s neither here nor there. We played a team literally a game away from locking up the division. And we didn’t get spanked. Now, if only that meant we’d be in the playoffs. But, can’t have everything. Now reserving spots on local golf courses. Maple Leafs get in half price–provided they can nail the Canadians. Deal? Hey, I tried.

Last time

For the second consecutive meeting between the two teams, this one back in January, we got our butts kicked. Not by much, but enough that it was painful. Of course, not nearly as painful as the realization that the team just plain wasn’t going to get a whole lot better this year, but still. On the bright side, I like the look of the Sabres on the losing end of a game for a change. Say, can we do that again, boys? Might make next season a little more fun.

Okay, all you non-Leafs fans can say it. As of now, Toronto is officially mathematically eliminated. Not that anyone who’s actually been following the team expected it to be any different. Lord knows since about January or so I haven’t been. And Tuesday’s game? Well, that pretty much underlines why. We played halfway decently. The only thing that didn’t happen is the goaltender didn’t manage to stand on his head. And nearing halfway through the third period, we pretty much got screwed. It wasn’t for lack of trying, though–we all but threw ourselves at the net, especially in the last minute or so of the game after emptying ours. And we still couldn’t force an overtime.

Last time

Different night, different story. This one did get forced into overtime. And we actually managed, though I still have no idea how, to land the two points. Ah well, we had a few years of making the playoffs. It’s only fair we have a few where we don’t. See you on the golf course, boys. And don’t worry; I’m sure Ottawa and Montreal will be right behind you.

We actually kept up with them for most of the game. Hell, we even had a lead once. In spite of the fact they seemed to be more into the game than we were–probably because they’re more in the playoffs than we are. Which explains why it took them until the shootout to finally beat us. And part of me was kind of hoping we might knock them down a peg or two, too. Oh well, can’t spoil everyone’s playoff hopes. At least the winning streak was good while it lasted.

Last time

Back in January, we didn’t do quite so hot. Well, more like we didn’t do a whole lot of anything at all. Largely different team, largely different game, largely different excitement level. Same result, though. Ah well, whatcha gonna do? Besides watch the next one, I mean.

It didn’t look entirely too convincingly in our favour for most of the night–they scored twice in the first, we didn’t do squat. We managed to get one back in the second, and that was about it. right up until the 16 minute mark of the third, before we finally managed to net the equaliser. And, with maybe a minute–if that long–gone in overtime, we knocked home the winner. It doesn’t feel like an ultimate victory right now, but as I tweeted after the end of the game, we may not be playoff bound this year, but we’re sure gonna screw it up for anyone who is. I’d say this isn’t a bad start. Welcome to the new highlight of the 2010 season–ruining everyone else’s playoffs.

It wasn’t much of a high-scoring affair. And, in fact, if Atlanta was actually up to its usual level of halfway decent play, we’d of probably been sunk. As it is the difference between the narrow margin and how the game should have gone, given Atlanta’s state during Thursday’s game, was their goaltender. Otherwise, overtime would have been something they wished for. No matter, though. One of us still has a shot at the playoffs. And it won’t be Toronto. I’m gonna go cry now.

Last time

We managed to lose the last game against them in January, albeit barely. And even then, it probably should have been a whole lot different. But, as they say, that’s how the cooky crumbles in Toronto. There’s always 2010-2011. Maybe. Say, Boston, can we steal another player?

Well, we tried to stay semi-awake. Tried, that is, for all of about 5 minutes. At least it wasn’t a shutout, I guess? Yeah, we’ll go with that. Our shutout-less streak has been extended. Hey, when your team’s hanging out in last place, you find your highlights where you can.

Last time

We didn’t do any better last time, either. In fact, we didn’t do anything last time. We were shut out in January, 2 nothing. And back then, I still felt like there might be the smallest of chances. Yeah, definitely holding on to our shutout-less streak.

I had to read the score twice to make sure. And a third to make double sure I wasn’t losing my mind. We actually managed to pull off a win. In the shootout. Against a team that tries very hard not to suck. We still don’t have a chance in hell at a postseason, but I think I’m starting to find a little tiny bit of that excitement again.

Last time

We played them back in December, when I’d originally thought we might still have a chance at playing at least into the first round of the playoffs. We lost. By the same score, though–that has to count for something, right? Work with me, here. If I’d known then what I know now, that loss might have felt a little differently. No, no it wouldn’t. It was against Montreal. Nevermind.

It took overtime to barely squeak out a win against the Devils on Thursday. And it was only kind of meh at that–though, likely, that’s more to do with the team. Kessel does that scoring thing again, and we’re actually winning more than we’re losing for a change. Okay, I can be surprised at that.

Last Time

We weren’t quite so lucky in February, losing by a goal. But then, that’s the way this Leafs team rolls, apparently. On a positive side, however? We’re slightly less likely to lock up dead last in the league. Now if we just had our first two draft picks back.

Okay, so I’ve been kind of unavailable for the last… well, several days. Okay, more like a week. Okay, a week exactly. The why is coming. As for right now, it’s all about the hockey. Because I said so.

And, right now, it’s all about the Ottawa Senators, and how much excitement should be present during a game in which Toronto beats up on them but good. But, surprise of surprises, there wasn’t any. In fact, and I’m shamed to admit it, I didn’t even watch the game–okay, so part of that was to do with my unavailability. Deal with it. To me, the season’s already done. Even if Kessel managed to score his 26th goal of the year. And even if we made Ottawa’s goaltending look bad–well, okay, worse than it’s been looking. That would have been fun in November. Or next season. But right now? Back to catching up on what I missed being offline for a week.

Last time

We managed to pull something off 2 weeks ago, as well. How, I’m not sure, but we did. And, just like now, I got nothin’. Thanks for the two points, boys. Now let’s golf.

Where was our winning streak? I think it went that way. We scored the opening goal, and… um… that was, well, it. They spent the next two periods–sorry, 2 and a half–pounding us. Best thing about the game? It was almost non-stop. Worst part about the game? Um. See season, losing of.

Last time

Back in December, we actually somehow managed to beat them. Convincingly. I’m still not entirely sure how it is that happened, but it did. And then we spent the rest of the season alternating between halfway good, and twice as bad. But, you know, when cheering for a rebuilding team… now, let’s finish tearing it down and get it over with shall we?

Most goals scored by this team all season, high energy, young players, yada yada yada. I still can’t get excited. Yeah, it’s our third win in a row. But the game didn’t really make much difference for either team. Both are still out of the playoffs. And the only thing that really happened is folks got to see a team they might not see again until this time next year. Ah well, can’t have it all. Back to the every day routine of, well, losing.

So they do remember how to do the more than one win in a row shpeel. Who’d of thunk it? And in overtime, too–something they’ve rather sucked at all year. Again, who’d of thunk it? Now if only it actually mattered. Still, it’s nice to see them starting to play a little bit better with each other. Even if it’s still difficult to get excited over a few wins strung together. So difficult, in fact, that I’m bowing out of that race right now.

Last time

Back in January, we didn’t get off so lucky. Well, actually, we didn’t really get off at all–hence the 3 2 loss. We actually pretended to play a little tiny bit better then, too. Or so I kept telling myself, anyway. Funny how all these teams we keep sucking against tend to add up. A few years ago, a win like this might have sent every Leafs fan between here and Toronto into ultra party mode. Now? We just shrug. And I go back to getting things ready for the arival of the girlfriend.

Well now, would you look at that. A win, and a rare one at that. Even more so seeing as it’s in overtime. I’d pretty much accepted they’d forgotten how to do that, and then last night, they proved me wrong. Now if I could just work up the energy to smile about it. Unfortunately, it’s still a meaningless win–and probably the only one we’ll see this week.

Last time

We might have threatened at one point to win our last game versus the Bruins. Only problem? We didn’t. Rather, we kind of tried to make it look like we were going to, and then promptly fell apart. Kind of like we did last night, giving up the lead for all but the last goal. Well, I guess what goes down must come up. Still, is it next season yet?

Sigh. Again. We did almost tolerably well. Until the third period. Again. A minute and 16 apart, they managed to throw two behind us–that sunk us. Not that we weren’t sunk before that, but that pretty much guaranteed we weren’t going to be surprised. I used to look forward to the next time we won. Now, I’m just looking forward to the end of the season.

Last time

We shut them out in January. Then went back to sucking. Then came the multidirectional trade. And then, more sucking. Now? We’re in the league’s basement and closing in on the last game of the season. On the bright side, baseball starts up in a month. The bluejays can’t do much worse… can they?

It was a hell of a close game. Sens draw first blood, Leafs somehow manage to come back, lots of people having face first meetings with the boards. Or, in some cases, the opposing team’s fists. And still, even though it was Ottawa, and even though we won–in a shootout on a Kessel goal no less, I don’t feel the excitement I want to feel. Or, even, should feel. There’s maybe 16 games left in the season, at the outside. We’re dead last in the conference, and flirting with dead last in the league. And the game was that tight against a team who’s got half its roster on the sidelines with the flue. And we still played hell not losing. The game had everything an Ontario rivalry could and should have. And I can only shrug.

Last time

I was more excited at the beginning of February, when we shut them out 5 nothing. We’d just landed the trade for Phaneuf, and it looked like we might be staring at a slightly different–more charged up–team. Or maybe they were just fooling us. I can go either way. Right now, though? I’m leaning more towards they were just fooling us. Don’t get too excited, Leafs nation. They’re not done making you sweat yet.

I’ve run out of ways to say it. And we’re running out of games to do otherwise. The 2010 Toronto Maple Leafs, even after a huge as hell trade, are playing basement hockey. I want to blame the olympic break. But, I know better. So, who’s looking forward to 2010-2011?

Last time

Different result in December. Granted, that was 3 months ago–the team’s been halfway decent and three quarters the way to craptastic since then. But, at least they won that one. Consolation for this round? At least it ended in a shootout.

Well, Now that all that excitement’s well over with, back to business as usual. Which, roughly translated, means we up here in the great white north set our sights on another playoff missed. I’m willing to chalk this last game up to just returned from the olympic break. But somehow, I don’t think that’s it.

Last time

We didn’t do any better in January either, getting beaten up on 4 2 instead of Tuesday’s 5 1. Still, at least this time we only sucked very slightly less. And Burkey pulled the trigger on a trade as a result of it. Will it help? Well… it can’t hurt.

Fortunately, or not if you’d prefer, I wasn’t able to watch last night’s game. The parents lack Leafs TV and this computer would explode were I to try and get it via the intertubes. So, I watched the opening cerimonies for the olympics instead. Turns out, best decision I could have made. WE got 30 shots on net. And didn’t have a decent scoring chance since the first period–a shot that went off the post. And, for the first time since the trade that rid us of Toskala, we were shut out. Us. The team that was supposed to be improved. I think we need a little more improvement.

We played quite well. I’d even go so far as to say we were awesome. Definitely the better out of the two teams. And we still gave it up. At least we waited until late in yet another third period before we lost all hope of winning. I’d say more, but I’ve run out of ways to say it. The 2010 Toronto Maple Leafs, even post trade, suck. If not at the game, then definitely at this whole winning thing. No, that will not make me start cheering for Ottawa. Even if I’d probably be able to watch more of their games.