Hey random guy I don’t know, want some chocolate? … Hey wait–come back!

I get some of the strangest people when I decide to actually go somewhere. There’s the old guys at the Mcdonalds, with an opinion on just about everything–and a few things that didn’t even exist yet. There’s the random old lady on the bus, absolutely convinced that May was about ready to walk off the said bus with my guide dog. Come to think of it, this morning’s fun I was with May as well–hmm, maybe it’s her and not me? Things to ponder.

So I go to meet May at the college, seeing as we had things to do. We get off the bus to go do said things, and this older lady follows us. More appropriately, actually, this older lady catches up to us and matches pace with me. So May and I stop, and this lady stops right next to me. Casually as you please, she says, almost exactly, “I have chocolate for you. Would you like some?”

After about 2 seconds of both May and I collectively WTFing, then figuring out–or rather, confirming–whether she was talking to me, or May, I just as casually tell her no. And just like that, as though this random lady didn’t just chase us from the bus stop just to randomly offer me, or us, chocolate, she turns and walks back the way she came. Of course, May and I beat it the hell outa there before she up and changed her mind. But I have to ask. I’ve gotten off at that stop several times, at several different times of day–and a couple times of night. Is she always just hanging out there with chocolate for random people? Has she done it elsewhere? Did she recently escape from a possible mental facility nearby? I mean, I don’t *think* there are many of those near by, if any, but I also didn’t think I’d grow a chocolate stalker on the way for my morning coffee. So inquiring minds–or maybe paranoid minds–need to know. In the meantime, remember those times growing up your parents prieched at you not to accept candy from strangers? Yeah? I think this lady was the class of stranger they were talking about. She was if nothing else, that class of strange. I think I need a new coffee place. Or a bodyguard. That likes coffee. And will occasionally buy me one. Hey this could work. Thanks, stalker lady.

11 comments

  1. May

    No you nut she was chasing you. She asked you if you wanted chocolate not me, thank goodness!

    Don’t go and try and blame me for random old people after you. You should stop flirting with them and you wouldn’t have this problem you know. I mean if you keep this up who knows what you’ll get when you start going to Algonquin. There’s lots of strange old people there. They might just chase you down to offer you a cool sex toy or something.

    May, your better half

    • James

      Hey, something you can try when I’m not home. Could be useful.

      And really, I still think she was chasing both of us. You were just sort of on my other side. I’m not suffering this stalkerism alone, damn you.

      PS: I have an age limit when it comes to my flirtation. I’m pretty sure 40 cuts it off. Also I’m pretty sure mentally unstable cuts it off but I’ll get back to you on that.

      • May

        Now why do I need a toy when i could find the right guy to do all those fun things to me? I mean get real dude. I prefer the real deal!

        I’m pretty sure that old lady was about 60 in both cases so that’s your cut off age there dear.

        May, your better half.

        • James

          I wasn’t flirting with her. Hell if anything, she was trying, strangely, to flirt with me. Except all she did was make me reconsider going back to that hospital…

  2. Steve

    Shame you didn’t take the chocolate. You could have done like Carin and I and turned eating it and hopefully not dying into some mildly entertaining audio. But on the other hand, you know you’re not dying, so perhaps that makes you smarter than us.

  3. Carin

    Hehehe this reminds me of the lady who randomly gave me easter candy and inspired that whole “What’s…in…the bag?!” thing. Some people are strange. You don’t want to walk around with me, I attract the ultra weirdos.

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